And even in painting! Breslau knows artists, visits the great painters, sees their ateliers; whilst I! At the studio everyone assumes I move in...
Well, I am having wild fun as usual. The whole Sunday passes at the theater. A matinée at the Gaîté, rather dismal, and in the evening at the Opéra...
It is all the same to me; I have not even that poetry left in me. I spend the night [from Sunday to Monday] washing, writing, reading, lying on the...
After that all-night vigil I could not wake until half past eleven. The competition was judged this morning by all three masters together: Lefebvre,...
I would like to die..
Except for a few, the evening students are not the same as the day ones. I was warmly congratulated. It was a good moment all the same... come and...
If I were sixteen I would be the happiest woman on earth.
I have once again instigated, sustained, and calmed a studio revolt, after which I went to tell the whole story to Julian "so that the facts would...
At the Gavinis' we make the acquaintance of Monsieur and Madame Randouin, and then we go to the Bois with Mme Gavini, who is always the same, and who...
I am already thinking about the invitations we shall send for Saturday the 25th... On the 27th it will be exactly seven months since Cassagnac...
I agreed to dine at Mouzay's on condition of leaving at eight and being the only guest besides my aunt.
I called on Mouzay, still with an eye to Saturday. I had the nuisance of hearing this old fool hold forth about one's personal development, one's...
I am back from the Opera — no one came. Only at the end did we find two and then one more who were proper gentlemen; after the other trash they...
I am going to console myself by re-reading those happy days.
I am young, I am fresh, and I am buried!
Here is a collection of newspapers — *L'Indiscret* by Ulysse Pic, which recounts Cassagnac's slappings.
All day long I think of a blue sea, white sails, a sky all of light...
This evening at dinner we were talking of entertaining, of going into society... Paul urges me to marry, and I reply that my mothers are waiting for...
I may go to Naples for a fortnight with Paul. Princess Eristoff and her sister Gorpintchenko are there. I am stupefied, brutalized, lost — it may...
I went to the Gavinis'. They did not seem as usual, and on returning home I want to smash my head..
Cassagnac is elected but has only a majority of 990 votes; at the last elections in 1877 he had a majority of 4,131. Which gives one reason to hope...
This evening the model failed to appear. I posed myself, and while I was on the stand Julian arrived and we talked politics. I enjoy talking with...
So. We went to Versailles. Gambetta's first day as President of the Chamber. His speech, which he read aloud, was received with enthusiasm — and had...
My God, save me, save me, save me!
I am in a stupid, causeless anxiety. It is really not permissible to be so foolish.
My painting is going: much, much better — keep this study; it is the beginning of progress. I am pleased; it is going well, much better.
I was in the mood — we went to the Opera. I had given myself an enormous bosom and adopted Baron's voice from the Variétés. It was rather funny...
This evening Mme Gavini takes me to the Opéra Comique to hear Mademoiselle Bilbaut-Vauchelet, who is quite a star at this moment.
The blue salon is nearly finished.
Young Karageorgevitch came yesterday and I entrusted him with buying me some decorative vases — he has taste.
In the whole world there is only one man: Alexandre Dumas père and fils. Everything else is rubbish.
Yesterday and today I have had dreams that made a rather curious impression on me.
In the afternoon I do Paul's portrait.
I read the newspapers; I know everything that is happening. I want to attend the receptions and the Academy sessions and who knows what else. And...
I must do something to distract myself. I say this with that stupid impulse one has to imitate what one reads in books.
Well! I am in Nice! I wanted to take an air bath, to flood myself with light, and to hear the sound of the waves. Do you love the sea? I am mad about...
What a difference from Paris! Here I wake of my own accord; the windows are open all night. The room I occupy is the one where we used to take our...
Dourassoff is here, as you know, and on very friendly terms with my family — who causes me worries and irritations.
At the London House one sees Des Perrières.
We celebrated Carnival all day long. We were completely disguised, and I amused myself greatly accosting everyone during the two hours of the...
It appears that the Condom election is null. Some registration or other was omitted... if it is truly annulled he will not win again. But I think...
At the London House, Paul saw Des Perrières and the Comte Scotti, who advised him to write a letter. For here is the situation. Seeing nothing come...
I dreamed that Cassagnac, having come to visit us, burned up entirely like the carnival effigy last Tuesday. I was quite perplexed and did not know...
Here is a day that has aged me. Paul went to the prosecutor and to the commissioner. The Tutcheffs have filed a complaint against the Babanine family...
I left yesterday at noon. The weather was superb and I nearly shed real tears leaving this delightful and incomparable place. From my window I saw...
I went to see Madame Gavini and we went out together; she paid a few calls while I read the newspapers in the carriage.
By the way! Paul is running to the journalists to get something useful printed about Prince Eristoff. Today he encountered Cassagnac and they walked...
Well — I am doing a still life. But the ideas of yesterday. I recall a letter from Marcuard in which he told me: We have this winter here a young...
Collignon, back from visiting her parents, came to see us; I kept her the whole day and talked the whole time — one must make up for lost time. Only...
I tried to model in clay but have never seen how it is done and know nothing about it.
Do you know that writing is a great consolation.
I arrived five minutes early and worked hard — not too hard; I needed to make up for the fifteen days spent away. I am sorry you could not have been...
I feel deeply unhappy. Madame Gavini came. Her husband has no tickets for tomorrow, so I asked Rouher by writing him a word on my card. But it is too...
The poor girl is so tedious. Picture a very small body, a large head with blue eyes... have you seen the [Word blacked out: wooden] heads at the...
Paul has just left despite me; I was angry and declared he would not leave — he gave me his word of honor to the contrary; I was holding the door,...
If Robert-Fleury — called Tony in his absence — scolds me today, I give up painting! You know what my progress has earned me in the way of envy, and...
Coco, killed — crushed by a cart in front of the door.
I dreamed again of the apartment of Monsieur and Madame Paul de Acard.
A promenade with the Gavinis. Monsieur Gavini sends tickets for tomorrow — and I write the following letter.
Without seeking it, I am to witness the Cassagnac affair! His election is to be confirmed. We miss the parliamentary train by an hour; there is one...
I amuse myself telling the studio that I have seen a man — truly beautiful — a "bronze"!!
The background and the hair are a fine tone — on the whole it is coming along, it is more painterly — carry on, etc.
With my customary wisdom I set to painting at half past five. I had thirty minutes of daylight left — enough to sketch myself on a size-four canvas,...
We were to go to Versailles, but Gavini sends word that the session will not be interesting.
The Basilewskys dine at our home, but Madame Gavini arrived like a bombshell at four o'clock, swept up my aunt, and rushed to the studio to tell me I...
Comte Valéry — senator and director of some shipping company or other — has died suddenly in Florence. Gavini, who is a relative of his, went there...
Madame Gavini came. Do you know — Cassagnac has been married nine months.
Mademoiselle Oelsnitz went with my card to Gambetta, who sends tickets back. But let us first say that the painting is going well — it is beginning...
— without too much vanity... besides, the boy must be conceited, and it is not his fault. Everyone courts him. The Duc de La Rochefoucauld-Bisaccia...
After the studio we go to Madame Gavini's dressmaker, where we find her. My aunt had been at the Basilewskys', where she saw the Linsingen woman —...
To begin with, I announced at the studio that someone had shot at Gambetta. It worked. And then I told them that a beam or a cornice having fallen at...
One must ask oneself what one would prefer: to lose one's mother [Words blacked out: in living] or to keep her by being dead (myself)? I cannot...
After all, life is good — I sing and dance when I am quite alone, for complete solitude is a great pleasure. But what a torment when it is disturbed...
Maman and Dina have arrived.
Robert-Fleury is ill — he barely gave critiques; besides, what I had done was not remarkable.
I have a little morning hat so perfectly proper that I have no fear of going quite alone to spend my morning at the Louvre. But as this hat, while...
I worked until two o'clock; at two I rushed home, dressed, and Madame Gavini, Dina, and I went to the horse show at the Palais de l'Industrie. I have...
We go to see *La Dame de Montsoreau* at the Porte Saint-Martin.
Maman encountered him today — quite alone, as usual since his marriage — and he greeted her very pleasantly. Old beast — he perhaps thinks of me as I...
This evening: the Passion, and we go to church. I do my hair with a braid and a tiny plain black straw hat — quite bare — that looks like a...
At three o'clock to church — it is Good Friday — and I overcome my fear of society to go; I must be seen at church, otherwise they will say I am a...
I finished sitting at eleven in the morning. The portrait is ugly and not a likeness. After that we lunch at the Karageorgevitches'. There are...
Julian came in announcing the death of our Emperor, and I was so overcome by it that I cannot make sense of myself at all. Everyone rose to look at...
I find Berthe at home, and in the evening we arrange the books with Bojidar, whom I call imbecile, idiot, etc. — with which he is very pleased.
You may think the ice is broken — not at all.
I was looking for an Empire or Directoire hairstyle, which led me to read the article on Madame Récamier — and naturally I am crushed at the thought...
Yesterday I was bored — I hardly know where; at the horse show, I think, and then on the promenade.
After the assassination attempt on the Emperor, Maman sent visiting cards to the embassy, and yesterday Prince Orloff left his own here — which...
I am just back from the Vaudeville. (My evenings are quite free — the evening courses have stopped.) A society play — amusing, *topical.*
Henceforth we shall do composition exercises like those downstairs. We shall be given the same subject as the men below. The ball is on Friday — my...
They bring me the Laferrière gown, which is elaborate, new, and ugly. In a few hours I have another arranged for me at Savarre's — not even a proper...