Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Friday, 18 April 1879

I was looking for an Empire or Directoire hairstyle, which led me to read the article on Madame Récamier — and naturally I am crushed at the thought that I could have a salon, and that instead I am dying of boredom.
The fools will cry that I think myself as beautiful as Récamier and as witty as a goddess — let the fools cry; let us content ourselves with saying that I deserve a better fate, and the proof is that everyone who sees me imagines that I hold court and that I am a remarkable woman. One heaves an immense sigh and tells oneself: what do you expect me to do about it? I am shut in — we receive no one! My day will come perhaps... I am accustomed to God; I have tried not to believe, but I cannot... It would be a general collapse, a chaos. I have only God — a God who attends to all my small matters and to whom I speak of everything.