[Blacked-out word: However] my aunt returned and Gabriel arrived.
My dear aunt contributed somewhat by making me angry with the usual petty harassments.
I have not worked this week, and inaction makes me stupid. I reread my Russian journey and it interested me greatly. It was in Russia, after reading...
And it is not simplicity alone that makes its beauty, no.
Yesterday too I received the following telegram from Poltava:
So at last there is an explanation for her conduct. Well yes, she is very unhappy, but instead of grieving me this suits me; she would have been...
It is because it is the only thing I take seriously.
"What would I not permit you!" I replied.
When [blacked-out words: it was] two or three years ago, and even six months ago, I would go to a new doctor to recover my voice, he would ask me if...
While playing I began to hum, and she remained amazed at the sweetness of my voice... I have only the sweetness left. But it is all the more...
On the sketch of the young woman nursing her child, he only said that a mother does not nurse with her torso completely bare.
There are days when I hear well and others when I do not, and then it is a nameless torture... So God is going to let me die.
It is silly, but I wept again rereading the last pages of *Paul et Virginie*. At the end, at the bottom of the page, there is a vignette depicting...
At three o'clock we have an appointment with Miranda at Dr. Potain's — the celebrated, the great. But you know how discouraged I am; I no longer...
I am reading *Les Chatiments*. It is true, Hugo is a genius. And I do not even know if I should say that some of his lyrical flights astonished me,...
This evening Gavini takes us to the Francais, to the Casa Riera box, which is a ground-floor box hung with red damask. I would have been very well...
A passage read in the Gospel finding itself extraordinarily in agreement with the [blacked-out word: thought] that was guiding me, I have a return...
*It is now three years that I have been working.*
Tony came this morning. Maman asks that I write to her husband so that he may facilitate the means for her to return. They are mad! He would detain...
Adeline arrived and, "unable to resist," sends me a little note asking me to come in the evening. I spend the evening at their house.
In the evening we go to see *Charlotte Corday* together; I am feeling fairly well. During the day we had Wodzinski, Miranda, and the Juvisys.
*Your letter, dear Madame, has vexed me greatly. Fortunately for me I am frightened only by illnesses that disfigure; otherwise the appalling things...
In short, it always proves that I know more than before, since I see clearly — but what sadness!
Yesterday I had white spots before my eyes for more than an hour, I had looked at the model so much.
A dinner of four women: we have the two Juvisys; the little one is nineteen, a true Watteau. They want to have me dine with Girardin; it seems I am...
Could it be that Gambetta is not the strong man...
When I sometimes dream of possible encounters in life with Cassagnac, I do not see how his clericalism and his monarchism would agree with me.
One must read the long-winded articles in all the newspapers.
Julian tore apart my painting to the utmost degree. It is badly drawn, cold in movement, not true in tone, and poorly understood in effect. If with...
Saint-Amand came to do his antics here around one o'clock; the Tchoumakoffs arrived at the same time, then Berthe, then Madame Engelhardt to thank me...
It was last night that I turned *twenty-two.*
It is with the greatest repugnance that I continue to write this journal. My aunt has suddenly flown into a fury at the very name of Mademoiselle de...
Finished the competition. I wanted, to see, to pronounce in advance here, but I really cannot. I do not like what I have done; I had sand in my eyes,...
And then the arrival of a certain Trebinsky, well-born and rich it seems, cousin of Domenica. I have not yet seen the gentleman, who has come twice...
I *recognized* her instantly.
Madame de Brimont adores me, showers me with kindnesses, and kisses me as if I were her daughter. I feared for her rouge, but it holds admirably. She...
The usual public of opening nights, the government, old mother Adam, etc. Beside us was the Rattazzi with her third husband, the Sieur de Rute. She...
It is not this queen-strumpet nor women like Mesdames Bail or the Hechts who dazzle me with their wretched splendors... But when I think that...
It takes place in Hubertine's small drawing room. A lamp on the desk to the left; to the right, the fireplace surmounted by a bust of the Republic;...
A friendly-stormy discussion, but I was so worked up that I was almost crying, just a little more...
The Queen of Spain is to give an evening party, and I wonder if we would be invited if Maman were here. At last! The de Lesseps, Hecht, Dieppe, I...
Bojidar waits for the answer in the antechamber. Excessively astonished, I have word sent that yes, but it is my aunt who receives them in the blue...
Alexis left his card in the afternoon and presented himself a little later, around five o'clock.
We go to the Karageorgevitches'. Bojidar is fully enrolled at Julian's, thus his room has an artistic character, but in what I have seen of him I...
I have not worked, and I wanted to cry the whole time. I make a joke of it, saying that I can cry whenever I wish, and we laugh about it at the...
Wodzinski has been dismissed by Madame Kanchine; he takes it like a man of wit and recounts his misadventure. He regrets the young lady but laments...
I spend the whole morning at the Gavinis', and in the evening we have the Baroness Colucci and her daughter and Madame Karageorgevitch with Bojidar....
This Schaeppi is mad; she asks my permission to paint my head on a Deck plate. I refused as nicely as possible.
For two days I have had a return of tenderness for Cassagnac, and I can hardly explain it, for this man's opinions I do not share and do not believe...
Not knowing what to do with myself, I go to the Mouzays' for the evening, but we leave at half past ten.
As it was getting late, I left the portrait and set about making a sketch, still searching for the Salon. Julian arrives and finds it very pretty;...
Having had bad dreams, I go to the studio, where Julian makes me the following offer: "Promise me the painting will be mine and I shall give you a...
We go to Madame Gavini's, with whom I go down the Champs-Elysees; then we go to the confectioners — an enormous crowd everywhere.
Potain wants me to leave; I flatly refuse, and then, half joking, half serious, complaints against my family — I ask him if raging and crying every...
Amelie decides to do the studio at number 53. But this Julian is unbearable. He thinks he is playing at work by bantering. It infuriates me. You...
Julian came up and gave me all the explanations and consents to open the partition at my expense.
Now I am afraid to go to the meeting! I do not hear well enough. O sorrow.
I went to Tony's and return somewhat comforted. He strongly encourages me to do this painting. I am perfectly capable of doing it life-size, he says;...
I have a fever all day.
These are my dark sorrows — sorrows fit to weep over and be ashamed of. These ladies were very badly regarded here; such rumors had arisen against...
I did *La Thérèse* — a six-year-old child going to market down a farm lane, life-size. Then an old man at his window beside a pot of pink carnations,...
No — you see, what it would take for me to live would be to have great talent. I shall never be happy like everyone else. To be famous and to be...
How compare a man to it for even a moment? Everything levels out before Glory. What a great word —
My own anxiety was quite enough, and I had no need of seeing my family's anxious faces watching me to gauge my emotion. In short, here is what he...