A succession of extraordinary events: Dourassoff is introduced to the princes by Fritz the wine steward. I flatter myself I'm being quite naughty...
Princess Thyra is to marry Napoleon IV... It is a blow to me.
A heap of things — trifles in truth, but they set my nerves on such edge that I yawned the whole evening; yawning is contagious, and within five...
Yesterday Dourassoff talked with them for at least an hour on the terrace, and here is the quintessence of all that conversation: they have no strong...
For two days I have been singing "l'oiseau s'envole," for even the dishwashers have taken to singing. They say someone is getting married.
The Coubes are going to Wiesbaden and I entrust them with dispatching the following note — in German.
I am a Christian — alas!
After an exchange of telegrams we are going to Paris. For all that this seems anticipated and natural, I should be devastated if some dreadful...
This morning we were still at Soden. I had promised five hundred prostrations if I found Grand-papa alive. I kept my promise. He is not dead, but he...
There is something in our household I cannot bear! The petty vexations about nothing, the incredible carelessness in matters of consequence — that is...
I forgot to mention that my Uncle Nicolas has been here for three weeks or more. He is very ugly, and he is a nihilist — a narrow-minded nihilist. I...
I read *Le Figaro*, *L'Ordre*, *Le Pays*, *La République française*. To tell the truth, I am disgusted with *Le Figaro*, witty as it is — the...
I am beginning to believe that no one will ever have the patience to read this manuscript. This morning I bought the photograph of Paul de Cassagnac...
Barnola came. One idea torments and absorbs me. I am nearly twenty. And since at fourteen I looked seventeen — judge, then, what age I must appear...
I spent an hour making a sketch of Grand-papa lying down. It is on a size 3 canvas. They say it is a success. But you know — those white pillows,...
We were at church, where Grand Duke Constantine was present. Afterwards we paid a call on Mme de Balorre, on her daughter the Baronne de Wykerslooth,...
One was made two years ago; the man sits astride a chair. The other is quite recent — Monsieur sits in an armchair and appears to be clinging to it....
There is an article by Paul de Cassagnac in *Le Pays*.
Last night it seemed to me clear as day that I was about to die very soon, and I rose to write the two words I triply underlined in the darkness....
By what Providence I know not, I was behind time, and at nine o'clock was not yet dressed, when someone came to tell me that Grand-papa was worse. I...
It is impossible to paint the horrors we endure from that monster whose name would soil my pen.
At noon everyone was gathered, and Georges prevented the ceremony from taking place; it was put off until six.
Is it possible — when one reads things like what you shall read in today's *Le Pays*!
I have resumed my work, so unfortunately interrupted Thursday. I am stupefied. We have received several letters and condolence cards — from Mme...
Yesterday some ruffian brought M. Georges round to us; the concierge would not let him come up, and we sent him to the devil — not without my mother,...
Multedo writes. Mme Sarasin de Bock and several others have sent their cards; the Gavinis as well. When all our encounters with the Deceased run...
Letters and cards arrive from Nice. Florence writes to me. I reply; she invites me to spend some time at her country place in England — the hunts and...
Today is the last mass beside the coffin; the priest throws a pinch of earth on the lid to simulate burial — and all is said.
I saw Robert-Fleury, but had only a single drawing to show him — on which I had worked one day (this week there was illness and a change of model),...
To mass and then to the promenade (not round the Lake). A crowd of Neapolitan acquaintances, but there was no speaking to anyone in that hell of...
It is sad — very sad, a life like this!
A scene has occurred which, though I ought to be used to such things by now, drove me mad with revolt.
M. Séraphin came to see Mlle Rosalie.
Florence writes and invites me. I shall perhaps go in October.
In the way of news: yesterday Alexandre escorted a cocotte on horseback, which fills us with horror and causes me to dub him Monsieur Twenty Francs...
I take Mme de Mouzay and we go to M. Albert Gigot, Prefect of Police of the French Republic. I must say, to the credit of the French Republic, that...
I need not describe the rage that descended on the household. What is delightful is that Maman invoked propriety — (I forgot to say that my principal...
I dreamt of cats and serpents, and I upset a salt cellar at luncheon. It makes me quite apprehensive. What is going to happen to me? And my left ear...
Mme Antonsky came to see us.
I received compliments and encouragement. Breslau, returned from the sea, has brought back studies of peasant women, fishermen's heads, and so forth....
Mme Antonsky came to luncheon — and then nothing.
Julian came to tell me that M. Robert-Fleury is very pleased with me, and summing up his assessment finds that I am doing astonishing things for so...
Here is a letter from poor Collignon, whom I shall certainly take in if I ever have a home of my own.
I was foolish, mad, and improper with Cassagnac. This life is horrible, appalling, atrocious, terrible.
Yesterday, in a most unexpected way, Pincia had two little ones — white and pretty as herself.
Doenhoff dined with us. Five minutes before his arrival, Maman receives a telegram which I read almost by force and confiscate, for it is from that...
The Coubés dined with us; we recalled Soden and laughed a great deal.
I am making my first official painting. I was supposed to do still lifes; I therefore did, as you know, a blue vase and two oranges, then a man's...
God bless me if I know... Yes, Doenhoff dined with us yesterday and I was even pretty... This gentleman, as you know, is seeking to remarry a wealthy...
Saturday [28 September 1878]
What a dreadful existence. What an impossible existence! If I were intelligent I should know how to extricate myself. But I am only intelligent on...
Doenhoff lunched with us, tried on my pelisse, played the gentleman. On returning from the atelier I found him in the salon — Mme Coubé as well.
"No, you are right to begin — you can paint. There is good in it, there is good..."
I paint in the mornings and draw in the afternoons.
The successes won at the École des Beaux-Arts competitions by Julian's students have placed his atelier on an excellent footing. There are more...
Marcuard notifies us of his father's death. He must have inherited quite a bit of money.
Maman lost consciousness while trying on a dress. Her health is deteriorating little by little — but continuously. She worries me.
*I truly do not know why you imagine you owe your mother only a little affection in your spare moments. Affection for the authors of our days is a...
Robert-Fleury is beginning to do his Carolus: he comes and goes (he has received a great medal at the Exposition Universelle), he chats after giving...
Even supposing I am a genius — is it written on my white and pink face of a young girl who makes the circuit of the Lake in company with her noble...
No — the Deceased does not unite the greatnesses and sanctities that my adoration demands.
"It is packed downstairs," said Julian, "I am going to send your academic study down — give it to me."
I know well enough that these are small things — but they are agreeable none the less.
It is stupid, but the envy of these women pains me. It is so petty, so base, so ugly. I have never known how to envy.