I expected to do something altogether different in this world from what I am doing in it, and since it is not what I thought, it matters little to me...
We went to the exhibition at the Palais de l'Industrie as a group, the Gavinis, Randouin, Berthe, Géry, etc. and afterwards to the Bois.
Last night I prayed to God for a long time but I did not feel that He heard me. There are things that are impossible and when one asks for them it is...
We leave the day after tomorrow at the latest.
I spent two hours at the Gavinis', just the three of us. These people represent perfectly the banal, reasonable and down-to-earth society. I go there...
We have been in Dieppe since one o'clock yesterday morning.
We saw M. de Plancy.
The weather is fine and I am beginning to accustom myself to the northern seas. I went to paint a beach in the morning and in the afternoon while...
We laugh a great deal and I am having a good time but laughter is in my nature and is independent of my mood.
Last night there were yearnings, prayers... so that I almost expected to read in this morning's papers of the death of Cassagnac's wife... Why not...
Great commotion at the hotel, I poured water into the Brazilian's boots left outside his door. All the dogs were accused and the Brazilian stayed in...
Having left Worth and Laferrière I have had my clothes made at Doucet and Savarre and consequently I have become bourgeoisified. There are only the...
I dreamed of Cassagnac's wife, red-haired and fat. I went to paint in the countryside, I slept little, I am very tired and ugly. I no longer *share*...
I was wakened in the night to be given the following telegram: I have seen Joseph: signed Berthe.
The races, but I would not even take up my pen, it all went off so flatly for me, if I did not have to record that I saw the Princess de Sagan, née...
Blanc arrived in the afternoon and this evening I await Berthe.
Berthe breaks the monotony of the family... and what a tiresome family!
This morning at the beach with de Plancy, Da Costa, the princes etc. the afternoon the same. In the evening theatre with Judic and dancing. We ran...
Races, beaches, at the pier with Berthe and Alexis.
Beach. Berthe's departure, amusing scene at the station.
Gaedes, Fénelon, Morales, caricatures. Hecht.
I do not quite know what to say and yet some rather big little things have happened. On Tuesday the races, and then we went to the beach; Blanc came...
Yesterday we went to Pourville and when one goes to Pourville one has lunch there and then one goes to lie on the pebbles and throw them at each...
Hecht had absented himself yesterday from five to ten o'clock to dine at Puys with the Carvalhos and to see Dumas and his other friends, at ten...
I was interrupted yesterday by Maman, Dina, Da Costa and Moraës who stayed talking very late.
The arrival of the deportees displaying red caps and sashes is an ugly thing. One should never have brought these people back. They had grown...
After two pleasantly spent days, we have left Dieppe.
A promenade in the Bois paler than yesterday's. Amiability from Hecht and a visit from Da Costa. Blanc comes in the evening and savages the republic....
At the Bois nothing but Hecht and in the evening this same Hecht and Da Costa and Berthe. I had the imprudence to laugh at the name of Joseph before...
This evening Hecht gave us a stage box at the Opera. The first night of *La Muette*, and a very elegant house for September. I am dressed with a...
Not to mention Julia Acard! And if one wants to go quite far back one will find that the mistress of the Duke of Hamilton was named Amélie Gioia.
Uncle Lautrec has arrived, he will spend some time with us.
Resign myself. But is that possible? And if God will give me nothing, why not soothe my torments by taking all these ideas away from me.
Blanc rather implies that I am the one who would make a wife for his Paul, and not that trollop... He is quite right, Blanc... I am half asleep.
Dinner at Hecht's! M. and Mme Dubail, who did the honours, so to speak; she was born Martinez, a sort of Creole from Mme de Lesseps' circle. Hecht...
I am weary. All these people are coming to dine with us this evening and not one amusing face among them. Hecht is likeable, but I take him only as a...
This morning I started work again. Heaven grant that all goes well!
The exterior is adorable, the staging, but the interior is an emetic. I should like nothing better than to admit that my inner feelings deceive me,...
After that it was Alexis's turn; he is leaving for Mulhouse to see his friend Koechlin, who is dying; as he was driving alongside us after getting...
I had a model this morning, and now that it is three o'clock the devil take me if I know what I am going to do with my day. The Bois is dull at this...
I was in high spirits, and Doenhoff told Maman that I have too much wit to have a heart. Multedo is either epigrammatic or adoring, whereas the...
He persists in regarding him as my great, my only master; besides, he divines a heap of things like a clairvoyant.
Amélie got great compliments from Julian, and as I am very envious, I no doubt suffered horribly from it.
To the Bois, and then we had the happiness of driving down the Champs-Elysées escorted, followed or preceded by Joseph, who was in a carriage with...
Here are some newspapers, and I have just read the two hundred pages that make up the first issue of Mme Adam's review — Juliette Lamber's. All this...
Multedo came yesterday evening, as always combative, childish and tiresome. Very tiresome. Moreover my dear family believed it their duty to explain,...
Gavini who has just arrived came at the same time as the Tchoumakoffs and Bichinsky and Goldsmid. This prevented me from going to Saint-Marceaux's...
I went to church with Maman, I am going to go there at least every other Sunday because the Russians say that I do not believe in God. That is what...
Yesterday Gavini, Chaudordy and Goldsmid dined with us, the princes arrived in the evening. We spoke much of Gambetta. The former ambassador...
I am painting a life-sized torso.
I abandoned my head study in the middle of the week, consequently as Tony was passing from the large studio to the small one I hid myself behind the...
Bojidar who is going to go to the Atelier Julian has come to work at my place, I will give him four or five lessons before sending him there. He...
Bogreyeff and Miloradovitch came today but as I was taking my harp lesson I only went to the salon for three-quarters of their visit. Maman gets...
I returned to Laferrière's who feted me and received me with open arms and I ordered dresses.
The weather is fine and cold, I put on my otter fur coat and bought a beautiful bouquet of violets and I do not know how this made all the time since...
My head is better than the last ones I have painted. It lets me breathe a little.
I chose a few drawings and went with Amanda to Saint-Marceaux's; neither of us knows him. I dressed modestly but with chic. I was frightened, but...
Yesterday we had to dinner Berthe and her husband, M. de Morgan, Bojidar and Miloradovitch. The latter recounted to Maman the unkindnesses done to...
Already yesterday I went to Collin's for a sculpture installation but one must rent a studio; at home there is no room...
They come to bother me because my window is open and I might catch a chest cold! That is just like them. You know the life they make me lead, you...
We return from the concert organised at the Trocadero by Coquelin for the benefit of the Artists' Association. La Patti sang. It is an event other...
There is in the newspapers an explosion of enthusiasm for la Patti. They are quite right.
My painting is "much, much better." We did the other day a one-hour sketch for the rankings and this morning one displays them in the small salon and...
I went to look at a studio to let opposite our house, and then I worked. Multedo came and I was rude to him; then Maman, my aunt, Dina and I go for a...
Competition. And, as usual at competitions, an ugly model, and badly posed.
Madame Gavini has arrived and rushed to our house saying that we see well that she treats us like her closest relatives.
We go by tram to the Cluny Museum. The Karageorgevitches, MM. de Tarente, Turquan, Johnstone and Berthe. And ourselves. It is not wildly gay but...
We have just come back from the Opera; I am in good spirits, we enjoyed ourselves, we looked very smart. Mme Gavini, Berthe, Dina, myself, Johnstone,...
As Julian is not correcting the sketches, I stay at home, put on a black velvet dress and do the honours for the few people who come today: Berthe,...
A visit to the Gavinis and a promenade in the Bois. Saw Joseph and he saw me. It is silly but now I must write it when I see him and where and how.
We go to see *Les Mirabeau*, a new play, in two boxes, with M. and Mme Gavini, Chaudordy, de Morgan, Géry and also Gabriel.
I dream that Julian brings me the medal; I get to the atelier and learn that Amélie has it. Nobody was put out by that, she ought to have had it so...
What shall I tell you? Must I still complain of the cowards who surround me? I can do nothing! For a moment my mother thought of going to Russia and...
I have finished the portrait of the concierge. It is a very good likeness. There is immense joy in the lodge: daughter, son-in-law, little girls,...
The Mouzays, Berthe and her husband, and the Karageorgevitches to dinner.
I went to church yesterday; I go from time to time so that people will not say I am a nihilist.
If for several days I often say nothing it is because I do not find it interesting to tell you about Laferrière, about hats or other stories of that...
My painting is going much better. At three o'clock I go to Tony's, and while looking for his address at M. Boulanger's (the painter) I happen to pass...
Yesterday afternoon Tarente introduced the Comte de Courtès. This Tarente comes too often.
Revival of *The Marriage of Figaro* at the Comédie-Française. A full house — the whole government, from M. Grévy and his daughter down to Gambetta,...
There is nothing to say; I am doing my copy, which bores me utterly. I am in good health and dying little by little. May God help those who are...
I wrote to Tony to ask him which day it would be least inconvenient for him to come and see my studio. He comes this evening, and besides good advice...
Gavini came, and Berthe and Bojidar. Under the influence of yesterday evening I am in a musical vein tonight; I play all my instruments, and now,...
The newspapers are beginning to take notice of Joseph, and so he shows off more than ever in the Bois and everywhere else. Here is a little anecdote...
I have brought a vexation on myself. When it is not other people, it is me. This portrait. I was foolish enough to mention it to Tony. Now I shall...
I go with Berthe to the Gavinis'. A new dress of black cloth and a charming, quiet hat.
We went to invite Julian to dinner, and he made no end of difficulties, saying it would take away all his authority over me and that then there would...
The studio at No. 37 is rented and almost fitted out. I spent the day there. It is very large, with grey walls. I took there two poor Gobelins that...
Blanc announces that Mme Cassagnac is five months pregnant and that her husband is quite burnt out. Popaul sends Blanc to Jérôme, who has been to see...
Here is the draft of a letter I sent off today, which will tell you what it is about. [Missing]
There has been an exchange of letters with Tony, and we have settled on dinner at our house on Wednesday.
Good Gavini sends me two tickets and we go. I preferred Versailles: one saw people again more easily there, being obliged to leave by the same train.
The Princess came to weep because her sons do not love her, after which she takes me to the Bois, and in the evening, with de Daillens, I take it...
I had written to M. d'Aspremont for that good Tchoumakoff and here is his reply, [missing] I want to send something to Nice under a nom de guerre of...
Today Cassagnac turned thirty-six. But [he] is not handsome at the Chamber. I went there with the Princess and Alexis (my model being ill). We did...
I forgot to keep the newspaper with Gambetta's remark. M. de Baudry d'Asson, the son of giants, the Vendéen, the mighty hunter before the Lord,...
This evening, dinner at La Mouzay's. Ourselves; Count Gurowski (brother-in-law of Queen Isabella); Count Mazewski, a Pole from the Crédit Foncier;...
We go to the Bois to skate on the lake, and then to the Gavinis', where we make the acquaintance of Count J. Murat, president of the Appel du peuple...
Maman had great successes at the Russian church: the Grand Duke Nicholas bowed to her, after which the Ambassador came to speak to her, and today...
He had been told to expect us; as soon as we arrive someone goes to call him, and we wait for him in one of those reception cubicles, a kind of stall...
After the first moment of surprise I am glad of it... He is a good fellow, and he is marrying a young and pretty person of good family and fairly...
Now it is teasing about Multedo; she affects to believe that I am annoyed because he is getting married.
It lasted from three o'clock until seven. There is nothing so adorable as old Paris; it reminds me of Rome and of Dumas's novels, and of *Notre-Dame...
This evening I had Mlle Marie Delsarte, who comes to show me sculpture; I shall invite her four or five times, and after that I shall go on alone. My...
When I believe people harmless I always attack them.
The Hippodrome is very well arranged; it is a real little town. It is midnight when we go in. But kindly acquaint yourselves first of all with the...
He had not the faintest idea that it was I; it never even crossed his mind. No, he is not amusing, not even in the way young men of his age are... By...
I take Paul and go off to the Chamber in black velvet, a Rembrandt hat, my hair tousled — very pretty. It is packed, but I manage to find us seats....
Yes, I have my... unpleasant days. We went skating, Berthe, Paul, Alexis and I, at the club; there we find Lafond and Cherubini. Blanc has persuaded...