my aunt returned and Gabriel arrived.
My dear aunt helped it along a little by making me angry with the usual petty vexations.
I have not worked this week, and inaction makes me stupid. I reread my journey to Russia and it interested me greatly. It was in Russia, after...
And it is not simplicity alone that makes its beauty, no.
Yesterday too I received the following telegram from Poltava:
So at last there is an explanation for her conduct. Well yes, she is very unhappy, but instead of grieving me this suits me; she would have been...
It is because it is the only thing I take seriously.
"What would I not permit you!" I replied.
When two or three years ago, and even six months ago, I would go to a new doctor to recover my voice, he would ask me if I did not experience such...
While playing I began to hum, and she was astonished at the sweetness of my voice... I have only the sweetness left. But it is all the more...
On the sketch of the young woman nursing her child, he only said that a mother does not nurse with her torso completely bare.
There are days when I hear well and others when I do not, and then it is a nameless torture... So God is going to make an end of me.
It is silly, but I wept again rereading the last pages of *Paul and Virginia*. At the end, at the bottom of the page, there is a vignette depicting...
At three o'clock we have an appointment with Miranda at Dr. Potain's — the celebrated, the great. But you know how discouraged I am; I no longer...
I am reading *Les Châtiments*. It is true, Hugo is a genius. And I do not even know if I should say that some of his lyrical flights astonished me,...
This evening Gavini takes us to the Français, to the Casa Riera box, which is a ground-floor box hung with red damask. I would have been very well...
A passage I read in the Gospel being extraordinarily in agreement with the that was guiding me, I am turning back towards fervour and towards...
*I have been working for three years now.*
Tony came this morning. Maman asks that I write to her husband so that he may make it easier for her to come back. They are mad! He would detain her...
Adeline arrived and, "unable to resist," sends me a little note asking me to come in the evening. I spend the evening at their house.
In the evening we go to see *Charlotte Corday* together; I am feeling fairly well. During the day we had Wodzinski, Miranda, and the Juvisys.
*Your letter, dear Madame, has vexed me greatly. Fortunately for me I am frightened only by illnesses that disfigure; otherwise the appalling things...
Still, at any rate it proves that I know more than before, since I see clearly — but what sadness!
Yesterday I had white spots before my eyes for more than an hour, I had been staring at the model so hard.
A dinner of four women: we have the two Juvisys; the little one is nineteen, a true Watteau. They want to have me dine with Girardin; it seems I am...
Could it be that Gambetta is not the strong man...
When I sometimes dream of possible encounters in life with Cassagnac, I do not see how his clericalism and his monarchism could be reconciled with me.
You should read the screeds in all the newspapers.
Julian pulled my painting to pieces completely. It is badly drawn, the movement is cold, the tone is not true, and the effect is poorly understood....
Saint Amand came to cut his capers here around one o'clock; the Tchoumakoffs arrived at the same time, then Berthe, then Madame Engelhardt to thank...
It was last night that I turned *twenty-two.*
It is with the greatest repugnance that I go on writing this diary. My aunt has suddenly flown into a fury at the very name of Mademoiselle de...
Finished the competition. I wanted, just to see, to give my verdict here in advance, but I really cannot. I do not like what I have done; I had sand...
And then the arrival of a certain Trebinsky, well-born and rich, it seems, a cousin of Domenica's. I have not yet seen the gentleman, who has come...
I *recognised* her instantly.
Madame de Brimont adores me, showers me with kindnesses, and kisses me as if I were her daughter. I feared for her rouge, but it holds admirably. She...
The usual first-night crowd, the government, old Mother Adam, etc. Beside us was the Rattazzi with her third husband, one de Rute. She is faded, but...
It is not this queen-strumpet nor women like Mesdames Bail or the Hechts who dazzle me with their wretched splendours... But when I think that...
It takes place in Hubertine's small drawing room. A lamp on the desk to the left; to the right, the fireplace surmounted by a bust of the Republic;...
A friendly-stormy discussion, but I was so worked up that I was almost crying, just a little more...
The Queen of Spain is to give an evening party, and I wonder if we would be invited if Maman were here. Well! The de Lesseps, Hecht, Dieppe and...
Bojidar waits for the answer in the antechamber. Utterly astonished, I send word to say yes, but it is my aunt who receives them in the blue drawing...
Alexis left his card in the afternoon and presented himself a little later, around five o'clock.
We go to the Karageorgevitches'. Bojidar is a regular at Julian's, and so his room has an artistic look, but in what I have seen of his work I could...
I have not worked, and I wanted to cry the whole time. I make a joke of it, saying that I can cry whenever I wish, and we laugh about it at the...
Wodzinski has been dismissed by Madame Kanchine; he takes it like a man of wit and recounts his misadventure. He regrets the young lady but laments...
I spend the whole morning at the Gavinis', and in the evening we have the Baroness Colucci and her daughter and Madame Karageorgevitch with Bojidar....
This Schaeppi is mad; she asks my permission to paint my head on a Deck plate. I refused as nicely as possible.
For two days I have had a return of tenderness for Cassagnac, and I can hardly explain it, for this man's opinions I do not share and do not believe...
Not knowing what to do with myself, I go to Madame Mouzay's for the evening, but we leave at half past ten.
As it was getting late, I left the portrait and set about making a sketch, still hunting for a Salon subject. Julian arrives and finds it very...
Having had bad dreams, I go to the atelier, where Julian makes me the following offer: "Promise me the painting will be mine and I shall give you a...
We go to Madame Gavini's, and I walk down the Champs-Élysées with her; then we go to the confectioners' — a tremendous crowd everywhere.
Potain wants me to go away; I flatly refuse, and then, half in jest, half in earnest — complaints against my family — I ask him whether raging and...
Amélie makes up her mind to paint the atelier at number 53. But that Julian is unbearable. He thinks he is making light of work by mocking. It...
Julian came up and explained everything to me, and he agrees to open up the partition at my expense.
Now I am afraid to go to the meeting! I do not hear well enough. O sorrow.
I went to Tony's and have come back a little comforted. He strongly urges me to do this picture. I am perfectly capable of doing it life-size, he...
I am feverish all day.
Cards from Caillas, from Plancy, from Loghadès (the Turkish attaché), from Gabriel (from Berlin); a bouquet from old Géry in Nice. A morocco-leather...
The little Moreau girl has spoken to a lady friend of Gambetta's about my charms, my talent and my wish to paint the portrait of a great man. This...
That Jew Julian will not have the partition opened before Sunday; during the week it would disturb the pupils. That way I lose a week, so I have only...
You know how dear this idea is to me; judge how much the contempt of serious, respectable, influential people pains me.
And then this idea of having it done by two people, which creates a kind of competition, which is very trying. For all my bold airs I am very timid,...
He comes up, and I go to the confessional to ask him what all this means, explaining everything to him. Then he gives me answers that are no answers;...
Obviously, at the first friction I ought to say: "If that is how it is, I shall not do your picture..." But that would fill Amélie with joy, for she...
The atelier is hung all over with fabrics of every sort, odd lengths of backdrop, Oriental silks and paintings; two large tapestries! On the whole it...
Another week lost, then! I do not even reproach anyone; I feel I should burst into tears. What gets on my nerves is that the machinations of Amélie...
The Simonidès send me a flowerpot holder with beautiful lilies of the valley. Madame de Daillens gave me flowers, and I gave her gloves. Old...
I need none of all that, and the little one, who goes out a great deal and has no dowry, sets the greatest store by all these little things which...
At the atelier there is a coolness between Amélie and me, without my having done anything whatever; she is less friendly and no longer accepts my...
— Yes, Monsieur, I am the author of that canvas with the safety padlock.
Mme Mouzay dines here and we talk about my illness; I wanted to have it out once and for all so as to put an end to it. Ah! yes, indeed. She told me...
My aunt warned her that she was tearing up her letters, which serve only to enrage me, so she addresses them to the atelier. Three days ago she wrote...
Thank God, I believe it is coming of its own accord. Mlle de Villevieille sat, and then the little Turkish girl. I am going to draw all my figures...
It is true that this is the first time he has corrected me. Once Cot had gone, Tony arrived — I had asked him to by letter — chilled to the bone; it...