Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff

Notebook 019

April 1874 — May 1874

36 entries 36 translated

Main location: Paris

Read from the beginning

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I ate and sucked fifteen oranges before going to bed. Is that too few? We were at the Filimonoffs' at six o'clock.

Again at 55. Maman, myself, Dina, and Walitsky -- the three of us demolished a metre of the terrace wall.

Papa has found his dear and famous Norov. They have not seen each other for forty years! I have a headache. In the evening I go to the theater. "The...

Maman is ill. I am bored.

I get out of Maman's bed. Mme Teplakoff has come; they sent for the Anitchkoffs, and I hear them all laughing at the expense of Mlle Kolokolzoff,...

Biasini was here; there followed furious debates and heart-rending scenes, in which I had my part.

One of Dina's cousins, passing through, came to see us.

When shall we ever leave? Grant, my God, that Maman be well so that we may go!!

The cypresslamentations [sic] continue *crescendo*. I went out earlier than usual (light-coloured dress and hat, not bad, perhaps good) and on the...

I have just been walking on my terrace; it is eight o'clock in the evening. It has rained all day; only now has the water ceased to fall. The air is...

I have just read *yesterday;* why can one not write as one thinks! I believed that ellipses and exclamation marks would suffice to express the...

Today too I am pretty.

At nine o'clock we saw the Howards off. The Boutowskys were *no doubt* there; these little mice poke their snouts everywhere I look well.

I kept Maman at home; we go for a walk along the road that continues the Avenue de la Gare. I dine fairly well -- for nearly a month I have been...

I have wept and scolded again. They irritate me terribly. Can I obtain nothing without cries and lamentations? =="Ora incomincian le dolenti note a...

What a lot of trouble before leaving! Packing all my things! Easy to say! So many papers, marked newspapers -- I have the sorry habit of writing...

Another day! This time there is a pretext -- the wedding of Mlle Magarnoff, the ==fiddler=='s sister. These people wanted a grand display;...

After a terrible scene we leave. The journey passes without accidents or terrible scenes. It goes without saying that Maman dreams of and wants...

Here we are in Paris -- how happy I am, how very happy! I have found what I was looking for. Paris! Paris! There is what I love.

Everyone is in a dreadful mood. At Laferriere's, where I ordered a dress, I would have thrown myself out the window had we not been on the ground...

My hair is badly done; I do not feel at ease. The deacon attaches himself to our steps for the whole day; fortunately this creature does not come to...

We do without the deacon today. Maman, who has not particularly gnawed all day, makes up for it in the evening and stops me.

I begin the day laughing and that is how I finish it. While lunching at the Grand Hotel I wanted to say something, but laughter overwhelmed me and...

At church, then at the deacon's where a gentleman surprised me: M. Arsenieff. At lunch at this same deacon's, he told me I must have a husband gentle...

It is truly annoying -- until now I have not found a hat.

After waiting two hours -- two hours, without exaggerating by a minute -- two hours at Laferriere's, I finally tried on my grey outfit and ordered...

It is eleven o'clock at night; I have just left Maman. We were saying that it is unfortunate to live as we do, that there are no young men in Nice,...

Ah! it would take too long to say how they martyr me!! I am wrong too, no doubt, but that is no reason to eat me, gnaw me, devour me with...

And how strong was what I felt beside what I feel now. Once again they made me angry, but only once. It rains; the dress from Laferriere's is badly...

God has heard my prayer; the she-devil has become more amiable.

At this last word I was interrupted by Maman; it is three o'clock in the morning. She begins her lamentations, and I, frightened, abandon everything,...

*Yesterday I dreamed that I lost a tooth.*

Ah, how tired I am! I have just written a long letter to Helene, a reply. Then an even longer letter to my aunt. My hand aches from it. I did not...

I have decidedly found my depths. But as always, it is only the first step that costs. Having found my depths, I immediately saw that I had two, then...

I did not go to see Jeanne l'Indienne; she was at my house. She reminded me of Baden. Tomorrow I shall go to hers.

I went *alone* to Jeanne's. I ran about for some time in the corridors of the Grand Hotel before finding her. How fine it is to be rich! How well...