Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff

Notebook 066

September 1876 — October 1876

37 entries 37 translated

Main location: Gavronzi

Read from the beginning

Today. I am quite at home here, I don't interfere with any of his habits; I chat, I tell stories, I lecture — he listens to me with satisfaction and...

Pacha is my *true* cousin, the son of my father's sister. This man intrigues me. This morning we talked; he held my embroidery frame while I worked....

I was flushed from the sun and the ride, and I tried my voice, which is slowly returning. I sang the *Lacrymosa* from the Requiem Mass, as I used to...

And then, moving on to more refined matters, I set about explaining all the utility of good cooking, maintaining that it made men virtuous.

Tea was brought in and around the table I was obliged to hum through the entire Offenbach repertoire and to imitate the fashionable actresses, to...

I was describing our furniture to him and when I had finished:

At nine o'clock I was at my father's. I found him in his shirtsleeves, unable to manage his cravat. I tied it for him and kissed his forehead.

We took a long walk in the garden; Miloradovitch was my escort, helping me up and down. We visited the chapel and the vault containing the coffins of...

Pleasantly flushed, I returned to the Chinese salon (so called on account of two vases and some dolls) and, sitting down on the floor, began to sort...

— But what is the matter? I asked.

— No, I am simply like that.

You [go to] the theatre treading on the toes of those who arrived before you, exchanging handshakes — or rather extending your fingers — to friends...

I have perjured myself — I gave my word of honour while lying — but I got myself out of an unpleasant scrape.

— By all the rules I ought to give you a gift, but I am not a man for bouquets — I am opening a credit of a thousand roubles, three thousand three...

All day long there have been official legal visits. First, a delegation came to inform my father of a committee he must chair, concerning a law about...

So then — I have been played for a fool!

Cards, always cards!

Oh! The horror! What did he take me for? What did he think of me, of my family, to treat me like a woman of the street!

I have decidedly had enough. The countryside suffocates me, numbs me, stupefies me. I told my father so, and when I spoke of marrying a king, he...

A card game for upwards of three thousand francs, and in the evening a herd of [blacked out: hunters] from Poltava. I sang a grand aria, and then,...

I wonder how the Prince's hair is doing — I was so bored last evening that I burned part of it off, by his own admission.

My father had woken me as usual, and I came downstairs for luncheon... I had not been at table half an hour when conversation turned to a certain...

The horse I have been spoiling with lumps of sugar, as you know, having had two rides without a saddle, now refuses to be harnessed at all. From...

If you only knew where I spent the night! On the sofa in my father's room.

The idea was to go to Pacha's country house, but his mother is here — so I content myself with telegraphing, writing letters, and sending two parcels...

I was so desperate yesterday — it seemed to me I was chained to Russia for ever; it exasperated me, I was ready to climb the walls, and I wept softly.

I slept in my father's room, and until noon.

We went to Prince Serge Kotchoubey's. My father had dressed up handsomely — so handsomely that he even wore gloves a shade too light.

Nothing to record except a walk with Papa in heavy rain. A day alone with my father — the aunts were in Poltava — and in the evening great excitement...

My day is contained in a letter I have just written, which I shall give here — it is a reply to Collignon, who asks me for news of Miloradovitch.

In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost — I begin the hand-to-hand struggle with the invisible red bull!

I left at one in the morning for Iskrowka — a half-station — counting on no carriage, not even hoping for a cart.