Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Thursday, 21 September 1876 (9 September) — Antonelli Memories and Family Strategy

Oh! The horror! What did he take me for? What did he think of me, of my family, to treat me like a woman of the street!
Ah! Lord — and I did not drive him away!!
[In the margin, crosswise: Antonelli again.]
Everything passes, and this pestilent memory will pass too.
I spent the day with Paul and the Princess; my father did not return until the evening, and I sat for a long time on his bed, employing every means to fire his imagination and bring him up to the level of my ambitious views. For it would not do to let him remain any longer under the illusion that I was merely a young lady like many others. I almost frightened him, but I exaggerated nothing — it was necessary to speak in this way for us to understand each other in conversation, and above all so that he should know what manner of regard he owes me.