Monday, 8 October 1883

Julian finds the portrait of Bojidar very smart and he likes the painting — only he thinks of it as I do. When one has a subject like that, one must allow oneself the pleasure of achieving a maximum of execution. It is good for everyone, but since your ideal is Bastien, think of the perfection he gives to a passage, strain all your faculties and obtain an extraordinary result.
Otherwise it would be a pity. Let it rest, and then in the spring allow yourself the pleasure of executing certain passages in such a way that there is nothing to say about them — Bastien and nature being the points of comparison.
This Julian is almost as demanding as I am. Tony comes, Bojidar stays and we all dine together. The evening is a little disturbed by the visit of the two Messieurs de la Tour — they are twins, one in the army, the other in a ministry, they are twenty years old, they lisp and are blond and rosy.
So I was unable to discuss my letter with Tony.
Besides, I am calm and almost melancholy at having renounced Bastien. It is childish. Julian tells me his grandfather has just died. It was for the portrait of that grandfather that he obtained his medal in 1874 — it was a debut, and a debut that made a stir.
We have not yet received the death notice. How does Julian know?
What if I took up my passages again now, without going to Concarneau?
I no longer know.