Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Sunday, 7 October 1883

I have seen the new moon… with my left eye, and I am saddened by it.
"Really, Mademoiselle — how dare you confess to such flat superstitions!" Why flat? Napoleon and Caesar were superstitious — to cite only those two most illustrious examples.
Saint-Amand dines here, and the princess and Bojidar, since he has posed all day.
Madame Gavini came yesterday, and the baroness.
I no longer draw Bastien's profile on every occasion in pen and pencil — I think of him only as a painter now.
This evening, after careful reflection, I declare flatly that he will never be in love with me. Let us set that preoccupation aside. Never. I am at peace. But what a pity, my God!
I am trying to civilize Bojidar, who is entirely untamed. He knows nothing of the real world, wastes himself God knows where — among false princesses and dubious foreign women — lays down the law, argues, attacks the most well-known figures, and commits a thousand naïve blunders. If at least he frequented second-rate drawing rooms because one can amuse oneself there, that would not be so bad; but I suspect he is a little… Saint-Amand — he was raised like a girl; he is economical, tight-fisted.
And besides, he [is spiteful] and talks a great deal about kept women, though never… I do not know why I imagine that… Besides, with Irma it went no further because, she said, Bojidar admitted to her he hadn't a sou.