Monday, 10 October 1881

As I was working in the museum, two old and ugly men arrive and ask whether I am not Mlle B. Certainly. They then introduce themselves on behalf of the Karaouleffs. M. Soldatenkoff and his doctor. Soldatenkoff is a millionaire merchant who travels extensively and adores the arts and artists. Then Pollack tells us that Madrazo, son of the museum’s director and a painter himself, greatly admired my copy and asked to be introduced to me.
Old Soldatenkoff asked me whether I sold my work, and I had the stupidity to say no — but I hope to see him again and he may buy something from me in Paris. In Russia people are not given to teasing at all, and moreover female artists are more than rare… Only, when I am taken seriously, I think either that the person is a cretin or that they are making fun of me.
We go to watch the return from the races — the King, the Queen, the Infantas, all the dignitaries — it is very amusing, and I do not think about politics, finding all of it agreeable to see. Besides… it is a charming country, and it seems as though a thousand years have passed since I left the city of courtesans, the city of all elegances, the summit of the world, etc. etc. Here people look at each other, love each other — one is even more… that is to say even less civilised than in Italy, and that is precisely why I find it charming. I would so like to spend a winter here — I would a hundredfold prefer Italy, but…
This evening at the Pollacks’, the young girl has real talent — a magnificent voice and everything needed to make an artist. How stupid of me to have lost my incomparable, divine voice. The feeling for song, the passion, the tears — everything one has in ordinary life, and everything that makes the true singer — what use is it now that I no longer have the instrument, to keep all of that locked inside… And where, and why? Will I not get well?!!…
As for painting, I am in the process of learning a great deal; I see what I did not see before — my eyes are opening. I raise myself on tiptoe and scarcely dare breathe for fear that the enchantment should cease, for it is a veritable enchantment: one hopes at last to touch one’s dreams, one believes one understands what must be done; all one’s faculties are stretched toward that terrifying goal — a good piece of painting, not carpenter’s painting in the manner of Bonnat, or… like others — but flesh, tones that sing… and when one achieves that, being an artist, one can make admirable things. For everything, everything is in the execution! What is Velázquez’s Forge of Vulcan, or his Spinners? — take away from those canvases that prodigious paint and you will have some Tony or other, or anybody at all. I know I make many people cry out — the imbeciles first, who pose as adorers of feeling… and yet feeling — it is the impasto, it is the poetry of execution, it is the enchantment of the brush! One does not realise how true that is! Do you love the Primitives — the lean and naive forms, the smooth paint? It is curious and interesting, but one cannot love it. Do you love the sublime cardboard Virgins of Raphael? I am going to seem coarse, but I tell you that does not move me… There is feeling there, and a nobility I respect but cannot love. The School of Athens, by the same Raphael — now that is admirable and incomparable, as are other of his compositions, and especially in engravings or photographs.
And there one finds feeling, thought, a breath truly of genius.
Note that I am equally the enemy of the ignoble flesh of Rubens and the magnificent but stupid flesh of Titian… One needs spirit and body. One must, like Velázquez, execute as a poet and think as a man of intelligence. It is evident that if you take any random figure and arrange it like a grocer and then paste divine paint over it, it will be a sorry thing… but I do not believe one can arrive at an execution that stands in for everything without having that… everything. Expression, feeling — a being who does not understand this cannot execute as I describe. But I explain myself badly; I am ignorant; I grope my way.

Notes

Madrazo: Federico de Madrazo y Kuntz (1815–1894) was director of the Prado at this time; his son Raimundo de Madrazo (1841–1920) was also a celebrated portrait painter. ↩
In Latin in the original: verticem mundi — «the summit of the world»; Marie means Paris. ↩
Las Hilanderas (The Spinners), by Velázquez (c. 1657), in the Prado. ↩