Wednesday, 21 July 1875

Alas! my aunt did not even see that letter, and I tore it up.
Editors’ note
[Six lines crossed out]
Just as I am getting into the carriage, Godard arrives with Chevalier — Godard, radiant, light, amiable; he does not walk, he flies towards us. Only this morning did he learn that he had passed his baccalaureate.
We meant to go down to receive him, but instead we all go to the baths. He is a charming boy, joking aside. He is well-bred and intelligent. He is young and not yet spoilt. He is polite and attentive, [words crossed out], not like the young men here, who affect nonchalant airs and think they are being gallant by being rude.
We write an anonymous letter to Leclerc begging him to come and build a balloon tomorrow on Mont Boron, signed: M.B. M.G. — Marie Bashkirtseff, Maurice Godard. Saëtone and Laurenti are there. I am almost sorry that Désiré is leaving. They will spoil him for me. Ah! if only I had him for a month at least. He leaves tomorrow.
Saëtone asks me when I am leaving, for certain.
“Next week, Wednesday or Thursday.”
“And you will be staying in Paris?”
“Ten days or so.”
“I have had a telegram… from Audiffret” (I clench my teeth so as not to blush), “he has just arrived in Paris and will stay there ten or twelve days. He is at the Hôtel Splendid. And perhaps you will see him if you go.”
“Perhaps,” I say, clenching my teeth harder still.
“Otherwise he will be back in Nice in ten or twelve days. Which hotel will you be going to?”
“The Grand Hôtel or the Iles Britanniques — it is small, but convenient.”
Faithful messenger! What do you make of this new Mercury?
What does it mean? I do not understand Girofla’s conduct. If there were anything, he would have spoken, for I cannot believe that he is shy. Well, who knows — the greatest rakes, once in love, are like schoolboys.
No, I will not believe such a thing; it would give me too much pleasure.
Désiré bids me farewell; I tell him au revoir. He is coming back here in November. I shall already be in Florence. But I have an idea that fills me with joy: I shall come to Nice with my aunt for the races. And I shall have my fun:
“Mademoiselle will come back to see you, M. Godard,” says Saetone.
“Certainly, monsieur. I shall come back to see you,” I say, laughing.
Once he has gone, I strike up a conversation with Laurenti, that count who is so dark, so small and so grave. We talk of the revolution in Russia, of revolutions in general, of monarchy. We are in perfect agreement on every point. I like to see people who think as he does.
On coming home I find his card.
This evening we go to Nina’s. We have Smirnoff there, Danis, my uncle, Mercury and Fiouloulou. The last has drawn the square here: the Durands, all these gentlemen and I arriving in a cloud, on a shell drawn by doves and wreathed in roses.
We talk of my royalty; Saëtone calls me Majesty, I name him My Lord Grand Chancellor, Danis my Grand Admiral and Fiouloulou my page.
I move little and stay almost the whole time on a sofa, my page beside me singing to me as much as his puny voice dares to sing.
Danis maintains that no one knows how to sit in a box as I do.
“You arrive, you remain motionless the whole time — but so well! — and ninety opera glasses are trained on you, while you look at no one and see the whole house without seeming to.”
“Ah! really.”
“Yes, but truly, it is magnificent — you sit as no one else does.”
I am pleased; I was aiming at stillness and calm.
Saëtone says I am in the dock because at present Paris holds a great attraction for me.
As he leaves, he asks me again when I shall be leaving, for certain.
“For,” he hastens to add, “we should like to have the honour of paying you our respects before your departure — Count Laurenti too.”
Wednesday or Thursday I shall leave. It is truly dismal here. Godard, having finished his examinations, has become charming — and he is going away. Girofla is not here. There is no one to spur me on, to make me stir. What is left would be pleasant with someone interesting, but alone it is tedious.
Truly, I think I am bored.
They are giving me the two rooms I need. My mind is at rest on that point. The furniture is to come. My aunt is staying behind to supervise.