Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Saturday, 15 March 1884

Abbema came to see my painting this morning; she is a likeable girl — a pity one cannot see her except as artists together...
It seemed as if the 15th would never come... The weather is brilliant, and from Monday or Tuesday I am going to work in the country.
That wretched Bastien — no, this time I swear it, I am done with him for ever. It is irrevocable.
Why should I think of him? He has talent. And what of it? I scarcely know him; he is a... closed nature; and besides, it is better to work at one's own talent than to spend oneself in admiration.
He has nothing but his paintings; there is coolness between us. What would you have me do with that? I never see him. Whom to think of, then? My art — until a being appears who will impose himself.
And so farewell, dear angel — I despise you. You were!

Notes

Louise Abbema (1853–1927): French painter and sculptor, known especially for her portraits of Sarah Bernhardt, with whom she maintained a close friendship. Her unconventional private life made her socially inadmissible in respectable circles, hence Marie's qualification. ↩