Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Tuesday, 11 April 1882

I dreamed of my Florentine mother in tears, and I was consoling her.

J'ai reve de ma mere florentine en larmes et je la consolais.

Papa has at last departed; we all, and his sisters, went to see him off as far as Monaco, returning by carriage along the new road. There was no train, and I did not want to go into the hall and see Larderei.

Papa est enfin parti, nous toutes et ses soeurs sommes allees le reconduire jusqu'a Monaco, nous en revenons en voiture par la nouvelle route. Il n'y avait pas de train et je ne voulais pas entrer dans la salle et voir Larderei.

While we were travelling Mme Hélène asks me news of Antonelli, and outraged at her mischievous air I began to shout that never, never, never did that creature please me. And it is true, my God, it is true. In return I tell her about Larderei — it takes more than an hour...

Tout en voyageant Mme Helene me demande des nouvelles d'Antonelli et outree de son air malicieux je me suis mise a crier que jamais, jamais, jamais cet etre ne m'a plu. Et c'est vrai mon Dieu, c'est vrai. En revanche je raconte Larderei, cela prend plus d'une heure...

And now that five years have passed, now that what could have been hurtful has been erased by time... Five years, five years! Well, I assure you it is a perfumed and amusing memory, and that the flowers, the bonbonnières, the serenades of Naples are well worth these four years of painting and politics...

Et maintenant que cinq annees se sont passees...

And my dear family from Florence. Can I be vexed at the madness of this lost man, more than half gone astray, when his gracious, elegant, and likeable family was so charming! I should think so — one would be so happy to settle that dreadful and awkward Alexandre.

Et ma chere famille de Florence. Est-ce que je puis me vexer de la folie de cet homme perdu, plus qu'a moitie egare quand sa gracieuse elegante et sympathique famille etait si charmante ! Je crois bien, on serait si heureux de caser ce terrible et genant Alexandre.

Marcuard said that his mother was so happy believing he was courting a young girl... And everyone except that idiot — and even him, if I had been less of a child.

Marcuard a dit que sa mere etait si heureuse en croyant qu'il faisait la cour a une jeune fille... Et tout le monde excepte cet idiot, et meme lui si j'avais ete moins une enfant.

I regret nothing, nothing, nothing. If I had married it would have been dreadful.

Je ne regrette rien, rien, rien. Si je m'etais mariee ca aurait ete epouvantable.

Only this is the plan: to go to Jerusalem to paint the picture that obsesses me, and return to Naples for Carnival, and for three weeks to revel in balconies, promenades, guitars... O Italy, O Naples, O flowers! O glances, O keyholes! O Larderei, O everything!

Seulement voici le projet, aller a Jerusalem faire le tableau qui me tient la tete et revenir a Naples vers le Carnaval et pendant trois semaines s'en donner des balcons, des promenades, des guitaires... O Italie, o Naples, o fleurs ! 0 oeillades , o trous de serrures ! O Larderei, o tout !

And I shall find another, and even two, and perhaps the same one again — and the Hôtel du Louvre, Prince of Prussia, Doenhoff, coachman Charles, O Chiaia, O the Opera! O perfumed evenings, O sound of the waves blending with mandolins, hoarse voices of street singers, celestial melodies, silence of the night, poetry, dream, happiness, love, sky. And far from the Chamber of Deputies, the boulevards, and the paintings. O youth, O life!

Et j'en trouverai un autre et meme deux et peut-etre le meme et l'hotel du Louvre, prince de Prusse, Doenhoff, le cocher Charles, o Chiaja, o Opera ! O soirs parfumes, o bruits des vagues se confondant avec le son des mandolines, voix eraillees de chanteurs ambulants, melodies celestes, silence de la nuit, poesie, reve, bonheur, amour, ciel. Et loin de la Chambre des deputes, des boulevards et des peintures. O jeunesse, o vie !