Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Wednesday, 30 March 1881

I pretended to sleep until ten o'clock so as not to go to the studio. I am very miserable.
Here is Julian's reply. It calms me a little... Just think. No, you cannot imagine what a rejection of the canvas would mean to me! There would be nothing left... in short, I should have only myself to blame. And I do not know which is more dreadful — to be oneself the cause of one's misfortune, or to suffer on account of others. Ah, it would be one of those blows, full in the chest — I cannot imagine what I would do... One must hope, in any case...
Saint-Amand came today, very anxious. He spent yesterday evening with Détaille (the painter), who thinks he may have vaguely seen a studio canvas rejected. He is busying himself with me, with our party. His mania is entirely innocent and may become a real benefit. Here in Le Sport is the description of the Dalmas ball.

Thursday, 31 March 1881

Saint-Amand, informed by a note from me of the happy (?) fate of the canvas, hurries over around one o'clock.
Right after him, Julian, who had the kindness to come and tell me that Lefèbvre believes he remembers the canvas was accepted. In any event, it will be rescued if necessary — but Julian does not think there will be need. "You must be in boiling oil," he says to me.
You know that this year the State takes no part in it — the artists themselves decide, and in order to correct the abuses of past admissions they are being atrociously strict.
Julian says that ladies who have been exhibiting for ten years have been rescued from rejection, and that two jury members themselves saw their canvases refused — then accepted, naturally — but it caused a scandal! In any event, if that confounded canvas is not through, heaven and earth will be moved and it will be salvaged. I should calm myself — tomorrow I will know everything. The worst that awaits me is being referred to the final review, but no catastrophe in any case.
I keep up my composure at the studio, where I announce that I have been accepted with an air of amusement that settles everything.

Notes

Édouard Détaille (1848–1912): celebrated French military painter, extremely popular in this period, best known for his panoramas of the Franco-Prussian War. He was active on the social scene and knew the Salon jury proceedings well. ↩
The 1881 Salon was the first to be entirely administered by artists themselves, under the new Société des artistes français, rather than by the École des Beaux-Arts. This reform followed years of complaints about State favouritism and arbitrary jury decisions. ↩