Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Friday, 14 May 1880

Tony came this morning to the atelier and told me it is exceedingly lifelike, very good, and going well. Julian too! I am doing the portrait of a fellow student.
A promenade in the Bois with Adeline.
At seven o'clock, Soutzo — until half past ten... Well, I do not quite know what to say... My aunt remained there all evening, and it did not amuse me. We did Latin translations.
That fellow has something of people from my country; he comes close to them, and I am not a "foreigner" to him. At dinner I invented a story that my aunt herself was so taken with that she believed she could guess the name of the hero.
I spoke of 200,000 francs in income, of a young man in love with me, marveling at the rarity of French love for a foreign girl. An illustrious Parisian name, 200,000 francs in income.
It is being proposed to me. I laugh about it, and we speak as if Soutzo did not exist — to which he seems to reply by saying he will probably leave for Brussels as legation secretary.
"How distinguished! Does one serve one's government when one has a name like yours!"
He seems cooled by my story, and I by his departure. And never have I been better disposed toward him. But after all... to end like this — is it not impossible? I have so exaggerated myself in everyone's eyes that I am obliged to make a brilliant end. Adeline finds that this fellow has everything required...? A great name — yes, since his grandfather ruled Romania.
Well-bred, educated? Yes. Intelligent? Yes, enough. Physique? Not bad — even good. Medium height, with frightening muscles, judging by what one sees and by his general form. He must be strong as two Turks. A wide jaw, rather wide nostrils, and something... flattened in the nose (which is regular and fine) that gives his physiognomy an air of over there — Bulgarian, Turkish, I know not what. Very black hair, a mouth that goes with the nose and jaws. But very beautiful eyes that have a disturbing vagueness thanks to their myopia — and thanks to that myopia, these eyes behind a pince-nez must not disturb many people. A very pale and matte complexion. He reminds me a little of the famous Fiouloulou, who had something of a sphinx. But the dominant physical trait of the man is those prodigious muscles, which make me think of Bagatelle (the bulldog), who with a caress of her paw can knock over a six-year-old child, and when she is very pleased easily knocks over a man — this beast once had a carriage pass over her back and paws and recovered. As for his character, I believe he is a very good fellow, excellent heart, and very impressionable. I often make him blush — it is true they say I stupefy him... I want to go to a ball to walk about and dance with him... and then... I want to go to a ball.
So in character he is the best fellow in the world, and the proof is that he has imposed himself — he has slipped into intimacy here without inconveniencing anyone... What if I married him? How much has he? Perhaps 20,000 francs a year, and there are the mother's 20,000 francs in income, which cannot be touched.
The Princess is mad and lives in a villa in the country where she is kept. I believe he will have at least 40,000 francs a year. I shall have, on marrying, at least 50,000.
One cannot live permanently on that. And then — is he sufficiently connected, and to whom? I am, have been, and shall be much attacked; I need solid support. In short, it is mad — but where shall I speak without hypocrisy of mad things if not here? What did he think on leaving here?
It is evident that with my fortune I shall always be able to find a title and 20,000 francs in income and connections and I know not what.
Just think: 50,000 francs at once and double after. Yes, but what will the man be like? The Duke de Rivoli, who has 40,000, and whose eldest son will have the 20,000 entail from the Prince d'Essling — the elder brother who will never marry — the Duke de Rivoli, Massena, is worth 50,000 francs and double afterward. But he is forty-seven, he is short, and Soutzo rightly says that vice is engraved on his features. And then he wants a wife who does not go into society; he will certainly be a tyrant. The Russian princesses have disgusted him with everything one might perhaps call liberalism in women. Besides, he has cuckolded so many husbands that he will always fear his wife will cuckold him... But he is Massena, Duke de Rivoli, and will be Prince d'Essling. Adeline says that if she had an only daughter, she would give her to him as to the most honest and upright heart, though selfish and philosophical.
And Rivoli, I know not why, does not repel me, whereas the other dowry hunters are odious to me. Soutzo is a comrade; he is family; I am not afraid of him. Living as I live, I shall never find anything. No one sees me, and then painting, you understand — I need a convenient husband who will not make me abandon it. A titled Frenchman, if he marries me, will do so to live as he pleases... no, it is horrible. To what do the conclusions of the report tend? And then add to that that I am twenty-one, and although as animals women are a thousand times less so than men, they are still a little so, and it is very curious — admit it — to know what it is to be loved... I fear I have spoken crudely, but seek nothing coarse in these words.
I thought I should say it, for I think these things must count for something in the decisions of young girls... Do they not? And besides, you know, I write from day to day, and the impression of the previous day fades the next.
Only I find that this Soutzo has made great progress.