Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Saturday, 17 November 1877

What Monsieur Robert-Fleury was displeased with was the lack of likeness — yet as I capture likenesses well and one does not lose the qualities one has, I am not troubled by it. Still, it is true — it is not a very good likeness!... This time. I shall do better.
The competition was judged. Eighteen competitors — I am thirteenth. There are therefore five after me. It is not too bad. The Polish girl was first. That is not fair. I received compliments for my académies.
I purchased écorchés, anatomy books, skeletons — and all night I dreamed that corpses were being brought to me for dissection.
What do you expect — I am deadened to writing; my hands know only how to draw and pluck the harp.
Yet it is... absurd that Breslau draws better than I.
My sketch was the most advanced.
— All that in one hour! exclaimed Monsieur Robert-Fleury — she must be furious!
And furthermore I must tell you that Julian and the others said in the gentlemen's studio that I had neither the hand, nor the manner, nor the aptitudes of a woman — and that they would very much like to know whether I have someone in my family to thank for such talent and strength, such forcefulness even in my drawing, and such courage at work. All the same, is it not absurd that I still cannot compose!
I do not know how to place my figures solidly; I tried to draw a scene from the studio. Well — it does not hold together, it looks like nothing. It is true that I do it purely de chic, from fancy, and I have never paid attention to how my figures actually stand... No... it is dreadful! A genius such as I ought to do it without looking and without knowing...