Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Tuesday, 14 August 1877

This Paris is insufferable! First, ever since I have been here I can no longer work out on which side the sun rises — and this wretched sun has so little brilliance and gives out such tepid heat that one detests it.
For amusement I stayed up until six in the morning, and at six o'clock I... wanted to start painting, but it was so dark that I fell asleep until nine; at nine, a lethargy came over me such that I lay awake in bed until one in the afternoon.
And then, still quite stupid, I did some errands, went up and down those odious stairs at Worth's, at Reboux's, the devil! Oh, Rome. The Colosseum, the Scala Santa!
They say tomorrow is my name-day; the American and the barons have overwhelmed me with flowers. Rosalie gave me a pot of beautiful white roses.
I was on the point of saying that my life is a horrible satire — but so many pompous imbeciles have spoken in that vein that I refuse to.
Am I witty or stupid? If I had wit I could have made charming use of Cancello, of the letters, of everything — laughing at it all, while being genuinely touched, and perhaps charming Larderei by my wit, by careful coquetries, and an infinity of things that presented themselves naturally.
On the other hand, if I were stupid I should not notice it.
If someone told me that in order to live in Rome I must walk there from Paris, I would go at once.
And I know what such a journey is — I reckon with the swollen feet, the exhausted knees, the sunburned complexion; the inns, the length of the journey, the sun, the rain, the insects, everything!
Look! that is an idea — if I went on foot, perhaps I could live there... People used to make vows of that kind and God granted them. Why not?

Notes

Caroline Reboux (1837–1927): the most celebrated milliner in Paris, whose creations were worn by empresses and queens; her shop was a pilgrimage site for fashionable ladies. ↩
The Scala Santa (Holy Stairs): a flight of twenty-eight marble steps in Rome, traditionally believed to be the stairs Christ ascended in Pilate's palace; a major site of Catholic pilgrimage, ascended on one's knees. ↩
15 August: the feast of the Assumption of the Virgin Mary, the name-day of Marie (Maria). It was a major Catholic feast day and a public holiday in France. ↩