Friday, 4 May 1877

Marcuard found me daubing at my own portrait. If I manage to produce a sketch it will already be something — rendering shadows and colours from memory is no small matter.

On Monday Marcuard is giving a lunch for the Mirafiores; they will see my photograph at his house — the one I promised him yesterday “to add to the lovely things you already have.”

I think and speak about my family as much as about Larderel himself. The day I went to the Naples Skating rink with Pelikan, I saw Mme de Mirafiore and she struck me as so disagreeable that I returned to the hotel declaring there was nothing there but a dreadful little woman and a sort of adventurer (her husband). But now I have changed my mind — not on account of the family connection, but because it seems to me they all look at me with such kindness.

I pursued la Righi as far as I possibly could in the carriage — she was with the child, who was playing, and whom she kissed with her ugly painted mouth!

I succeeded in seeing the child, who is very like... the same elegant nose and the same very dark, lustreless eyes, and already the same manner — nonchalant, haughty, and wild.

I loathe children, but I should be glad enough to take that one — I should so like to kiss her, to hold her on my knee... to have her always for my own. And besides — it would be so original.

I want to see la Righi completely naked, and for that one would need to see her... we shall think of something... we have found a way.

In the evening Dina imitates the woman for me and we laugh until one in the morning.

Oh! the madwoman! The Aquarium¹ strikes me as more stupid by the day.

Since the Pergola² is closed I have no means of showing myself; so no one will be introduced to me and I shall be bored — no, one must hope not.

God, how I want Silène’s daughter.³

Is it not maddening that he should have gone away travelling on account of his affair with la Righi! Travelling as if after some great despair!