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Tuesday, 26 December 1876

# Mardi 26 décembre 1876

At Spillman's there was almost a tender moment. Having arrayed myself in my pontifical⁹ attire like the great brute that I am, I go to the Pincio, ceding to my father the place of honour beside Maman, who searches for Antonelli with all her eyes when, in a group of gentlemen, she thinks she recognizes him. Maman holds her head twisted round — like one of the damned in Dante — smiling until the person removes his hat, nudged by the gentlemen around him. Oh! it was absurd, it was atrocious! I was so angry that I can no longer remember who that man was. Simonetti came up to our carriage; they pointed out my father to him, but while speaking to him, they were still waiting for the other. If it was him he must have recognized me because of my pontifical attire! Absurd, atrocious!

Chez Spillman ce fut un presque attendrissement. M'étant revêtue de mes habits pontificaux comme une grosse brute que je suis, je vais au Pincio, cédant à mon père la place d'honneur à côté de maman,

But it was only in the evening that I felt a sort of disappointment, a void... a dull anger. Oh! Maman is sometimes abominable. It is the opening of the Opera tonight... and not a box to be had... all vexations together. My father offers two hundred francs but in vain. And Antonelli will be there tonight! I should like to be there to see what face he would make at me.

Mais ce fut le soir seulement que je sentis une sorte de désappointement, de vide... de colère sourde. Oh ! ma mère parfois est abominable. C'est l'ouverture de l'Opéra ce soir... et pas une loge... tous les ennuis ensemble. Mon père en offre deux cents francs mais en vain. Et Antonelli y sera ce soir ! Je voudrais y être pour voir la figure qu'il me ferait.

Visconti comes; I make as subtly as I can some rehabilitating allusions which the old bloodhound understands perfectly, and this greatly relieves me and allows me to go to the Argentina to see La fille de Madame Angot in Italian. My master Katorbinsky and the Swedomskys come to the box, and I arrange a day for a painting session. I have nothing to say to Pietro. He would not understand me.

Visconti vient, je fais le plus finement que je puis des allusions réhabilitantes que le vieux limier comprend à merveille ce qui me soulage grandement et me permet d'aller à l'Argentina voir "La fille de Madame Angot", en italien. Mon maître Katorbinsky et les Swedomsky viennent à la loge, et je prends jour pour une séance de peinture. Je n'ai rien à dire à Pietro. Il ne me comprendrait pas.

Notes

habits pontificaux — the formal, conservative dress code required in papal Rome society. ↩

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