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Wednesday, 19 March 18751
Biasini has agreed to our conditions; all that remains is to say the word and they will begin. There are thirty thousand francs ready in the bank here, to be paid at the outset; the other seventy thousand will be paid over four years. The person who bought the forest for the timber has not paid in full — twenty-two thousand roubles still remain, to be paid over four years, five thousand five hundred each year, and as soon as that money comes in it will go towards building the house.Mercredi, 19 mars 1875
I believe I am at last within reach of what I have so long desired — can it really be true, and shall I not fall once again from the heights of my hopes?
Je crois enfin toucher ce que je désire tant, est-ce bien vrai et ne tomberai-je pas cette fois encore du haut de mes espérances ?
We were in the middle of the garden — my aunt, I and Biasini — when, raising my eyes, I saw Terffidua^[“Terffidua” is Audiffret spelled backwards — Marie’s code name for him.] looking our way, and looking for as long as he could see.
Nous étions au milieu du jardin, ma tante, moi et Biasini, quand en levant les yeux je vis Terffidua qui regardait ainsi aussi longtemps qu’on pouvait voir.
Decidedly, I love this boy^[In Latin in the original: amo hune puerum (so in the transcription; for hunc).]. Not love, needless to say.
Décidément amo hune puerum . Pas d’amour on le comprend bien.
I long for a romance this summer — a summer in Nice, during which I shall be horribly bored without one. All my thoughts are on the journey to Russia. Maman believes — she is certain — that I shall bring back the Russian; but as certain as I was of having Alcibiades.^[Marie’s code name for the Duke of Hamilton.] To be sure, one more admirer would give me great pleasure; but I do not want this man for a husband. It would be another matter if he truly had ten thousand roubles a year — but one cannot be sure of that, and besides they say he is miserly.
J’ai grande envie d’un roman, cet été, été à Nice et pendant lequel je m’ennuierai horriblement sans cela. Toutes mes pensées sont pour le voyage de Russie. Maman croit, elle est sûre que je ramènerai le Russe, mais aussi sûre que je l’étais d’avoir Alcibiade. Certes un amoureux de plus me ferait grand plaisir, mais je ne désire pas cet homme pour mari. Encore s’il avait véritablement dix mille roubles de rente, on ne peut être sûr de cela et puis on le dit avare.
I was out driving with my aunt, holding the reins myself, just opposite the public garden, when a gentleman came towards us on horseback; and as it is the custom in France to keep to the right, I did so, but the rider, no doubt not knowing it, did not give way, so that he ran rather roughly into my horses. Humiliated and annoyed, he had the impudence to say that I did not know how to drive — though in a rather feeble tone. Nevertheless I became furious.
Je me promenais avec ma tante, conduisant moi-même, juste à la hauteur du jardin public un monsieur venait à cheval en face de nous, et comme il est d’usage en France de tenir la droite, je l’ai tenue, mais le cavalier ne le sachant pas sans doute ne m’a donné passage de sorte qu’il se vint heurter assez rudement contre mes chevaux, humilé et fâché il eut l’impudence de dire que je ne savais pas mener mais d’un ton assez faible, néanmoins je devins furieuse.
— And you do not know how to ride, you insolent fellow, I replied.
— Et vous, vous ne savez pas monter, insolent, lui répondis-je.
Poor idiot — how ridiculous when the horse is master of the rider. In the evening, without telling anyone, and as though we were doing something wrong, Nadinka and I went for a walk, taking Sacha as our protector. The moonlight was veiled and ravishing, and I was quite proud to look so tall in my white cashmere dress and my hat, my forehead bare.
Pauvre imbécile, que c’est ridicule quand le cheval est le maître du cavalier. Le soir sans dire à personne et comme si nous faisions mal, moi et Nadinka allâmes nous promener prenant Sacha pour protecteur. Il faisait un clair de lune voilé ravissant et j’étais toute fière de paraître si grande en ma robe de cachemire blanc et mon chapeau, le front découvert.
Notes
So in the manuscript: Wednesday was 17 March 1875. Marie wrote “19” here; the next entries are Thursday 18 and Friday 19 March. ↩