Thursday, 6 December 1883
Count Loris-Melikov1 is here, and ill — Maman went to see him; he is leaving this evening for St. Petersburg. He appears to be a true friend — it was he who hastened the conclusion of our affairs in Russia.2 He spoke to the ambassador... Then Maman went to Countess Orloff-Demidoff's — a very great lady; her father, Count Nikitin, was very fond of my grandfather Bashkirtseff when he was merely a young colonel, and was my father's godfather. The Countess therefore told the priest that she should very much like to see Maman and would receive her this evening; the priest came hurrying over at ten this morning. It seems this good man goes about telling everyone that I am extraordinary, that I achieve so much and so perfectly. And Loris-Melikov has also told him that people speak of nothing but my talents and my charms. Maman came home quite intoxicated. Gabriel Géry spent the evening here; I had written to ask him to come and receive his instructions for Constantinople. We had tea, after which we spoke of the Marshal — [words blackened: to whom I had promised to study] écarte,3 as I know no card games; Géry offers to teach me, and we spend a good hour facing one another across a small table. The family had gone very still in the dining room, doors open, listening. It is all the same — he is not gripping... And... Catherine II? Not even close! I play the organ, thinking how he will take it — I would play before anyone at all and care nothing whether it pleases or not. But let him say it is a boring instrument, or that the air I am playing is hackneyed... The last time, he said: "How sad what you are playing there." I stopped at once. He paralyses me, for that matter. I had resolved to overcome myself — and I very much fear this courage will desert me the day before... So I shall re-read the pages where I teach myself good conduct... Who is "him"? Bastien, of course — or, when it is no longer him, some other.Le comte Loris-Melikoff est ici et malade, maman est allée le voir, il part ce soir pour Pétersbourg. Il paraît qu'il est tout à fait un ami, c'est du reste lui qui a fait hâter la fin des histoires en Russie. Il a parlé à l'ambassadeur... puis maman a été chez la comtesse Orloff-Demidoff, une très grande dame, son père le comte Nihikine aimait beaucoup mon grand-père Bashkirseff alors qu'il n'était qu'un petit colonnel et a été le parrain de mon père, la comtesse a donc dit au pope qu'elle voudrait bien voir maman et qu'elle l'attend ce soir, le pope est accouru ce matin à dix heures, il paraît que ce brave homme raconte partout que je suis extraordinaire, que je fais tant et tant dans la perfection. Du reste Loris-Melkoff aussi lui a dit qu'on ne fait que parler de mes talents et de mes charmes.