Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Tuesday, 26 December 1882

Well — it appears I am ill. The doctor who is treating me and does not know me has no interest in deceiving me: the right side is damaged, the lung is affected; it can never be completely cured — but if one takes care, it will not worsen and I shall live as long as anyone else. Yes, but it is necessary to arrest it by violent means: cauterisation1 or a blister plaster. All good fortune in the end. A blister plaster means a yellow mark for a year.

Eh bien il parait que je suis malade, le medecin qui me soigne et ne me connait pas a aucun interet a me tromper; le cote droit est endommage, le poumon est abime, ca ne se guerit jamais completement, seulement si on se soigne ca n'empirera pas et je vivrai autant qu'une autre. Oui, mais il est necessaire d'arreter ca par des moyens violents, des pointes de feu ou un vesicatoire. Tous les bonheurs enfin. Un vesicatoire c'est une tache jaune pour un an.

I shall have to adopt a cluster of flowers that I can place so as to conceal it for evening occasions — on the right clavicle.

Il faudra adopter une touffe de fleurs que je placerai de facon a cacher ca pour les soirees; sur la clavicule droite.

I shall wait another week; if the complication that has arisen persists, I shall perhaps decide to submit to this outrage. God is malicious.

J'attendrai encore huit jours, si la complication survenue persiste je me deciderai peut-etre a cette infamie. Dieu est mechant.

I work at home; Dina poses; Bojidar comes for dinner with his mother.

Je travaille chez moi, Dina pose, Bojidar vient diner avec sa mere.

What a pity this young man is not more considerable — that his family does not reign in Serbia; I would have married him. For he is willing, with all due respect. The mother especially wishes me to choose Alexis or Bojidar. They will not each have fifty thousand francs of income. That is little.

Quel dommage que ce garcon ne soit pas plus considerable, que sa famille ne regne pas en Serbie; je l'aurais epouse. Car il veut bien, reverence parler. La mere surtout que je choisisse Alexis ou Bojidar. Ils n'auront pas cinquante mille francs de rente chacun. C'est peu.

Notes

Cauterisation (pointes de feu): the application of red-hot needles to the skin over the affected area, a standard treatment for pulmonary tuberculosis in the 1880s. The alternative, a blister plaster (vésicatoire), used a chemical irritant to produce a large blister, also intended as a counter-irritant to draw inflammation away from the lungs. Both were extremely unpleasant. ↩