Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Tuesday, 15 November 1881

I made a bad study at the atelier. Cassagnac fought a duel with his unsuccessful rival, M. de Montebello, and wounded him. I felt not the slightest anxiety — these duels always end in scratches. Gambetta has taken power: Foreign Minister and President of the Council.1 Such is the news. There is also some progress in Amélie's romantic affairs — Julian is softening, and everything leads one to hope that he will in the end allow himself to be won over by the long lip and the squirrel mouth, the receding or rather absent chin, the square jaw, the pale eyes, the somewhat hairless cheeks with their bluish tinge (powder and pomade), the dyed hair missing in patches at the crown — all belonging to the tireless, scheming, implacably enamored Amélie. For eight years she has been at work, spinning her web of love: having refused all payment for her portrait of Léon Say, a connection of her family, she appealed for the Legion of Honor for her ideal.2 A friend of Villevieille was visiting Léon Say when Amélie came and threw herself at his feet and kissed his hands, weeping for joy, the

# Mardi 15 novembre 1881

— day he finally settled into the role of a serious man, and it is impossible for him to contemplate another marriage. I think, however, that Magdeleine Delsarte — who is approaching thirty like Amélie, but who is adorable — would suit him far better. But after the decoration especially, one must not think of it. As for me, it irritates me — it robs me of a friend, a confidant, a helper. Amélie detests me, having been, and perhaps still being, jealous of that friendship. Every time Julian approved of or admired something in me, she copied it — and naturally [blacked out] it was ugly and ridiculous, because she has no ability, and above all no taste and no elegance. A hatred I have tried to soften by every means. And what worries me is that Julian will go to extraordinary lengths to repay her Legion of Honor with a medal at the next Salon — and since that will be frightfully difficult, he will have no breath left to champion poor me. Even with the portrait of Léon Say she could get nothing, though the hands were evidently done by someone very strong — I attribute them to Robert-Fleury the father,3 for it was neither the son's brushwork nor Julian's. As for Amélie, the wretched girl is capable of nothing approaching it even today, with nearly two more years of work. So the handsome Rodolphe will use all his considerable influence to reward Amélie for her decoration and for her disappointment at the last Salon. You know she did not finish her painting. That painting, sent to the provinces, was purchased for the museum at Lille. But that is not enough. She is already at work on the new piece and has practically swindled Irma away from me — to whom I had written first. That is not very fair; but I tell you she is an ugly Spanish soul, with nothing clean about her but her tenacious passion [blacked out]. In short — that hatred, last year's painting which she prevented me from doing well, and now already the conflicts over the model — my indifference and my loyal character being moved by it. I feel that inconceivable hostility so acutely that I am on edge and wretched in her presence; and I think I would weep with tenderness if I ever saw a frank and sympathetic look in her eyes. I am almost sorry to have spoken openly with Julian, when I think that he is going to marry that horrible girl with such thick and ugly joints made still more conspicuous by her angular thinness. She has stopped dyeing her hair, which is turning brown; only the tips remain yellow — an indescribable detail. Still, it was perhaps better that I spoke all the same — Julian was supposing God knows what about me and Cassagnac. But I am wounded

finalement en homme serieux et il lui est impossible de songer a un autre mariage. Je pense pourtant que Magdeleine Delsarte qui approche de la trentieme comme Amelie mais qui est adorable, lui irait bien mieux. Mais apres la decoration surtout il n'y faut pas songer. Moi, ca m'ennuie, ca m'enleve un ami, un confident, un aide. Amelie me deteste ayant ete et etant peut-etre encore jalouse de cette amitie. Chaque fois que Julian approuvait ou admirait quelque chose en moi, elle le copiait et naturellement [Mot noirci: c'etait] laid et ridicule car elle n'a pas de moyens et surtout pas de gout et d'elegance. Enfin, haine que j'ai essaye de flechir par tous les moyens. Et ce qui m'inquiete, c'est que Julian se mettra en quatre pour payer sa croix par une medaille au prochain Salon et comme ce sera horriblement difficile il ne lui restera plus de souffle pour pousser pauvre moi. Avec le portrait de Leon Say meme elle n'a rien pu avoir bien que les mains aient ete evidemment faites par quelqu'un de tres fort, je les attribue a Robert-Fleury le pere, car ce n'etait la facture ni du fils ni de Julian. Quant a Amelie la mechante et pauvre fille n'est capable de rien d'approchant meme aujourd'hui qu'elle a pres de deux ans de travail en plus. Donc le beau Rodolphe employera toute son influence, qui est grande, a recompenser Amelie de la croix et de son deboire du dernier salon. Vous savez qu'elle n'a pas fini son tableau. Ce tableau envoye en province a ete achete pour le musee de Lille. Mais cela ne suffit pas. Elle travaille deja a l'oeuvre nouvelle et m'a presque filoute Irma a laquelle j'avais ecrit avant elle. Ca c'est pas tres loyal mais je vous dis que c'est une vilaine ame espagnole qui n'a de propre que sa passion [Mot noirci: peu] tenace. Enfin, cette haine, ce tableau de l'annee derniere qu'elle m'a empeche de bien faire et maintenant deja les froissements de modele, mon indifference et mon caractere loyal s'en emeuvant. Je sens tellement cette hostilite inconcevable que je suis enervee et malheureuse de sa presence et que je crois que je pleurerais d'attendrissement si je lui voyais un regard franc et sympathique. Je suis presque fachee d'avoir cause a coeur ouvert avec Julian,quand je pense qu'il va epouser cette horrible fille a attaches si grosses et si laides que fait encore ressortir sa maigreur anguleuse. Elle ne se teint plus les cheveux qui deviennent bruns; il ne reste de jaune que les queues, ineffable detail, enfin il a mieux valu peut-etre que je parle tout de meme, il supposait Dieu sait quoi, Julian de moi et de Cassagnac. Mais je suis blessee

— to have that woman as a third party, I who almost posed before Julian with my Cassagnac, and then I always hoped to keep those friends, Tony and Julian — I saw myself arriving at glory, loved by… Such-and-so and [blacked out], with my two painters as confidants; there was even coquetry in it… No — this business with Irma: Amélie must always be in my path. She annoyed me enough last year, doing the same painting, taking the same figures, my poses in short. Now it is my model. I brought that wretch Irma here yesterday; she was to sit this morning and abandoned me — I have an idea it is one of Amélie's tricks. In any case… I showed Julian a project for a painting and he approves it. But he no longer inspires my confidence — he looks bought, confused — well, I am imagining all of this. There is still Tony, but I have cultivated him less, and in the end… we shall see. Poor Collignon died more than twenty days ago already. We never liked each other very much, but toward the end she was so unhappy that I felt for those sorrows, while remaining indifferent.

d'avoir cette femme en tiers, moi qui posais presque devant Julian avec mon Cassagnac et puis j'esperais toujours garder ces amis, Tony et Julian, je me voyais arriver a la gloire aimee de... Machin et [Mot noirci: Chose] pour confidents mes deux peintres, il y avait la-dedans meme de la coquetterie... Non cette affaire d'irma, il faut que ce soit encore Amelie qui soit sur mon chemin, elle m'a assez ennuyee l'annee derniere faisant le meme tableau, prenant les memes figures, mes poses enfin. A present c'est mon modele. J'ai emmene hier cette gueuse d'irma ici, elle devait poser ce matin et m'a lachee, j'ai idee que c'est un coup d'Amelie. Enfin... J'ai montre un projet de tableau a Julian qui l'approuve. Mais il ne m'inspire plus de confiance, il a l'air vendu, confus, enfin j'imagine tout cela. Il reste Tony mais je l'ai moins cultive et enfin... on verra. La pauvre Collignon est morte depuis plus de vingt jours deja. Nous ne nous sommes jamais beaucoup aimees mais le dernier temps, elle etait si malheureuse que je compatissais a ces tristesses, tout en restant indifferente.

Notes

Léon Gambetta (1838–1882) became President of the Council (Prime Minister) on 14 November 1881, forming the so-called "Grand Ministère." He simultaneously held the portfolio of Foreign Affairs. His government fell in January 1882. ↩
The Legion of Honor (la Légion d'honneur), France's highest civil and military decoration, founded by Napoleon. To receive it was a mark of exceptional distinction; it could be awarded to artists for significant Salon success. ↩
Joseph-Nicolas Robert-Fleury (1797–1890), father of Tony Robert-Fleury, was a distinguished Romantic-era painter known for his historical and religious subjects. Marie suggests he secretly painted the hands in Amélie's portrait of Léon Say. ↩