Saturday, 21 May 1881

Yet another day of being pulled apart!

This morning I finished the portrait of little Mlle Maurel. Villevieille was there, her mother came, my family and Alexis. Then in the afternoon came the Princess and Mme Gavini — everyone weighs in — we go to see an alienist¹ I believe, who orders me to take the waters at Karlsbad.² In the end all of this concludes with an evening at the circus, to which I go very elegantly turned out, because we are cited in Le Voltaire³ among the most elegant society women. I am called very pretty “and very elegant” and my father is named Marshal of the Nobility in Russia.

Both Karageorgevitches are with us, and then Kireyewsky, the Gavinis, etc., etc.

Ah — during the day I went to Tony’s, where I found Beaumetz⁴ the painter — you will remember him, Caillas’s friend. We talked, and they tried to give me encouragement and assure me that I am doing very well in painting, that I need only continue as I am going, etc., etc. They are right — but they do not understand how pressed I am... all of this, you see... In short.