Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Wednesday, 12 May 1880

Yesterday, finally, at eight in the evening, Maman and Dina departed. I would have cried, but we arrived ten minutes before departure — we were so rushed that I did not grow sentimental.
Anitchkoff, Pelikan, and Soutzo, naturally. The poor devil sympathizes with the grief we may feel and looks at me tenderly... Yesterday evening at the Salon, he spent his time gazing at me like a soul in torment. If he is not in love, he affects a love that everyone can see.
From the station, we go to join Rosita and her governess at Girofle-Girofla. Soutzo sees us home, places himself at our disposal, begs us to make use of him — a man of the family... and all this with a very discreet simplicity.
"Shall I come to fetch you?"
"No, thank you."
Well, M. de Miranda not having come, I was thinking with embarrassment about the exit, when the curtain fell and the door of the box opened and Soutzo appeared.
Well, it did something to me. I stood nailed to the spot for an instant, surprised and almost moved.
"I certainly hope," I said to him at our door, "that you will not dare to come in at this hour."
"I did not want to come in, but since..." He came in, but after taking something, I left the dining room abruptly to avoid the hand-kissing. Besides, perhaps I was not without the thought that he would come say goodnight to me in the library — but it was too late, and I went to bed. Now it is seven in the evening, and here he comes.
On what footing is he received?
As Alexis or Bojidar are — but with perhaps a little more ceremony, and besides, there is no mother Karageorgevitch, who is a dangerous madwoman.
This evening I wanted to laugh a little. I wanted to extend my hand to him, very seriously, and when he would raise it to his lips, not withdraw it. But the thought of the face he would make had, in imagination, such a comical effect on me that the ceremony was performed laughing, and I confessed to him the cause of my wild gaiety. In this way he will see the value I place on this favor. Tchoumakoff arrived while I was laughing uproariously, so the little one went off to play cards with my aunt, and I stayed until eleven talking about painting.