Wednesday, 7 August 1878

I shall say nothing in reply to this new letter from Multedo.
Mont-de-Marsan 5 August 1878 Mademoiselle, I beg of your kindness a favour which, I hope, you will not refuse me. A refusal, or silence, would be too harsh. Would you remind me of the surname of your good and charming cousin, Mademoiselle Dina? I absolutely must write to her, and I dare not do so by mangling her name.
If you would do me a great honour, you would add to the information I ask of you a few words telling me how much longer you are staying at Soden. It is, however, extremely interesting, for I fear writing to you after your departure and my letters lying there uncollected.
I dare not hope that you will be kind enough to let me know whether the treatment you are following is doing you good, which is of great interest to me, and whether you deign not to forget altogether the humblest and most fervent admirer, the most devoted friend you have.
I lay at your feet my deep sentiments of respectful devotion. A. MULTEDO
Our Russians amuse themselves by sending me photographs, anonymously. Yesterday it was a candle and a butterfly with the legend: Take care. Today a goose with these words: Portrait of the one I love. I believe it is the Coubés who are very kind and will be useful to me in Petersburg — if Madame Coubé does not die. This poor little woman is barely twenty and already has two babies. I believe her consumptive... otherwise she has a charming look... Superb fair hair, very fair; green eyes and lashes as fair as the hair. The complexion of a redhead, and that air of extreme gentleness, peculiar to women with white eyelashes, beneath which lies firmness — not to use another word. No body to speak of, tall, supple... a nose almost aquiline but softened; and in her bearing an abandon, a languor, a sickly suppleness that makes one think of medieval virgins, or of some old portrait of a young girl in a riding habit with a felt hat, its plumes floating and drooping — like everything about her.
My God, let me go to Rome. If you knew, my God, how I long for it! My God, be too good to your unworthy creature — my God, let me go to Rome... It is no doubt impossible... for that would mean being happy!
It is not Livy who sets my head spinning — my old friend has been neglected for several days on account of the Gans... no, but the mere memory of the Campagna, the Piazza del Popolo, the Pincio, and the Dome at sunset... and that divine, that adorable morning twilight when the sun rises and one gradually distinguishes...
What a void everywhere else! And what holy emotion at the memory of that miraculous, bewitching city... I believe I am not alone in this and that it inspires in everyone inexplicable feelings arising from some mysterious influence... some combination of... the fabulous past with the sanctified present... or else... I cannot express it... If I loved a man I should wish to take him to Rome to tell him so with the sun setting behind the divine Dome before us... if I were struck by some immense misfortune I should go there to weep and pray with my eyes fixed on that Dome; if I became the happiest of women and of men it is there that I should go too...
What bourgeois flatness, to think that one lives in Paris... Paris is nonetheless the only city in the world possible after Rome. What disheartening tedium to think that one cannot go there...