Sunday, 9 June 1878

The Comte de Jobal has just left. Old paralytic. What charm. Mme Gavini was to come — it is past five o’clock; I am anxious about tomorrow’s tickets. In any case I shall have some as I did yesterday by sending Rosalie and Chocolat; oh! but this woman who does not come...
To calm myself I sing “the melody of Caen” — “If I were queen of the fair land of France!” A charming, quite old melody of perfect feeling — provided one does not laugh: no, I love these old songs and it is so foolish to mock them. Just read it — it is a gem.
If I were queen of the fair land of France
Gladly would I give my sceptre
And my station, sceptre and my power
For your heart.
That on me your gentle gaze might bend
Even for a single day
I would give my white ermine mantle
And all my court.
If God should offer me the starry crown
Of the cherubim
The golden wings and veiled beauty
Of the seraphim.
I would rather, near you upon the earth,
Live for ever.
For even in heaven, you see, I prefer you,
You, my love.
Ah! I who love you am no noble lady Nor queen, alas.
And I have nothing but my soul’s love
Nothing here below.
But if you will have my lonely roof
You shall be King...
And my love, my heart and my prayer
Shall be for you.
It is silly, it is silly — but it is very sweet.
Schininà came, and Franceschi too.
I am so agitated that I go to the Gavinis’ again. Monsieur has sent me a note. I explained my second visit as best I could; Madame, being detained with a sick cousin, will come on Wednesday. I pay her a great many compliments; she is very kind — and that is all.
If only the Chambers would close! You cannot imagine how all this throws my life into disorder.
I am completely unsettled and shall go to bed to escape this irritation. It is not yet nine o’clock!
I was so sensible yesterday. Let us never tackle fifty things at once. Let us represent each matter as a ball and make them disappear one by one as each matter is dealt with.
For the present there is the Chamber on Monday and Tuesday. Let us not speak of the rest, for heaven’s sake.