Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Saturday, 3 March 1877

The Hamontoffs came to call. Impossible to see Borghese — Rosalie's descriptions are not enough for me. Driven by curiosity, I wandered "accidentally" into the corridor of the first floor, and to justify this excursion I knocked at Doenhoff's door; he was out, and five minutes later he was with us, finding me alone to pour out a heap of compliments.
But let us say we were at Mme Fabbricatore's — I think they are all charming.
It is biting cold. I detest Naples and its beauties are dead beauties to me.
Larderei does not come!
This evening I went to the church that is within the hotel itself; there is an infinite charm in romantic reverie in the midst of a church. One sees the priest, the images, the wavering gleam of candles making the darkness tremble... and I remembered Rome!!! Divine ecstasy, celestial fragrance, delicious rapture.
Ah! to write!!!
One could express the feeling that swept over me only in song. And amid all that enchantment, not a single male face, not a monk! The columns of Saint Peter's, its marbles, its mosaics, the church, the dizzying splendor and the majesty of art, Antiquity, the Middle Ages, the great men, the monuments — that is all.
At the Skating I have often noticed a young woman and a young man whose story I have just learned. She is Austrian and her name is Giselle Van Baeker; he is a Comte de Balzorano, a wealthy Neapolitan.
They have been in love for four years. When the Comte de Balzorano asked for the young woman's hand in marriage, her mother wrote to the countess, who replied with these words on her visiting card: Can one trust the words of a mere boy?
On learning this the young woman swallowed a box of phosphorus matches to poison herself; but she was saved, and since then the love on both sides has assumed extraordinary proportions — and this has now gone on for four years. One has only to see them to understand all the charm of Paul et Virginie. Giselle would come like Virginie from the ends of the earth to find her Paul, and would brave everything for him: poor girl.
Such stories move me deeply — it is not given to everyone to love like that.
Good God! To spend an evening with Doenhoff, that fat Prussian of forty-two who dares!... On leaving he pressed my hand with his thumb forward! I nearly fainted with rage.
It was a bloody outrage to me! Oh, vile pork-butcher! Oh, my ethereal and celestial dreams!
For me, love is a mystery of which one ought not to speak, so much does it demand mystical reverence.
Larderei's giddy manner drives me mad, and what Rosalie has told me of Borghese's grave and deliberate bearing transports me into the dark walls of the Eternal City. It is indeed because of Borghese that I went to the church.
The refinements of his dress please me; I like a man to be as vain as a woman, from his hat to his shirt — like the Roman, who has his small things as elegant as my own; unfortunately this is often the consequence of stupidity.
Ah! I grow impatient in Naples, and I cannot leave before seeing Alexandre the Great again.
Borghese's first name is Giovanni — Jean. There have been distinguished Jeans as well.
I had written to Collignon and she replies, sending me the requested prediction, made by the General.
Here it is.
Part One
A gentleman is closely occupied with the young lady — she must expect an unexpected piece of news, perhaps a letter — many chances — consequently gossip — a matter of money, genuine feeling not very close — beware of the young man who is at an immense distance from feeling — change still far off — will come about through the intermediary of a young blonde — the young lady is still very far from home — finally, a gift from an old man.
Part Two
Strange cards — uncertain — disappointment — worries — beware the King of Hearts, money plays an immense role in his intentions — that is his principal aim, after all — indecisive cards — much commotion — journeys small and large — after which the change owed to the King of Diamonds through the influence of an old man — the King of Hearts will have no part in it — much happiness later, brought by an old woman who is perfectly well-disposed toward the young lady — at present there is money — good humor — one is not harassed, but as for feeling: nothing serious.
Part Three
What is happening
Uncertainties.
For the household:
Much tenderness, a gift, a letter.
For the imagination:
A cursed King of Hearts who keeps trotting through the mind, which causes a great deal of anxiety.
What you do not know:
Frequent changes of place.
What awaits you:
The King of Hearts will come to something in the distant future — you will marry him, in sum — they will not be badly suited.
The verification confirms that money is at present the principal motive behind the attentions and interest of the King of Hearts.
I had the cards cut by the wife of [Blanc].

Notes

Allumettes chimiques: phosphorus matches, a common method of self-poisoning in the 19th century. ↩
Paul et Virginie: the 1788 novel by Bernardin de Saint-Pierre, the archetypal story of innocent, tragic love. ↩
A handshake with the thumb pressed forward implied an inappropriate degree of intimacy or pressure. ↩
Charcutier immonde: Marie's contemptuous epithet for Doenhoff, with a Germanic slur implied. ↩