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Friday, 19 March 1875

# Vendredi, 19 mars 1875

Biasini has agreed to our conditions; all that remains is to say the word and they will begin. There are thirty thousand francs ready in the bank here to give as a start; the other seventy thousand will be paid over four years. The person who bought the forest for the timber has not paid in full — twenty-two thousand roubles still remain, to be paid over four years, five thousand five hundred each year, and as soon as that money is received it will go toward the construction of the house.

Biasini consent à nos conditions... Il y a trente mille francs tout prêts dans la banque... La personne qui a acheté la forêt *pour la coupe*, n'a pas tout payé, il reste encore vingt-deux mille roubles, qui seront payés dans quatre ans...

I believe I am at last touching what I have so long desired — can it truly be, and shall I not fall once again from the heights of my hopes?

Je crois enfin toucher ce que je désire tant, est-ce bien vrai et ne tomberai-je pas cette fois encore du haut de mes espérances ?

We were in the middle of the garden — my aunt, I and Biasini — when raising my eyes I saw Terffidua looking, and looking as long as he could see.

Nous étions au milieu du jardin... quand en levant les yeux je vis Terffidua qui regardait ainsi aussi longtemps qu'on pouvait voir.

Decidedly, amo hunc puerum.^[Latin: "I love this boy."] Not love, in the understood sense.

Décidément amo hune puerum. Pas d'amour on le comprend bien.

I greatly desire a romance this summer — a summer in Nice during which I will be horribly bored without one. All my thoughts are on the journey to Russia. Maman believes — she is certain — that I will bring back the Russian. But she was just as certain about Alcibiades.^[Marie's code name for the Duke of Hamilton.] To be sure, one more admirer would give me great pleasure; but I do not want this man for a husband. Even if he truly had ten thousand roubles of annual income, one cannot be sure of that, and besides they say he is miserly.

J'ai grande envie d'un roman, cet été... Maman croit, elle est sûre que je ramènerai le Russe, mais aussi sûre que je l'étais d'avoir Alcibiade. Certes un amoureux de plus me ferait grand plaisir, mais je ne désire pas cet homme pour mari. Encore s'il avait véritablement dix mille roubles de rente, on ne peut être sûr de cela et puis on le dit avare.

I was walking with my aunt — driving myself — just opposite the public garden, when a gentleman came toward us on horseback; and as it is customary in France to keep to the right, I did so, but the horseman evidently not knowing this did not give way, so that he came up rather violently against my horses. Humiliated and annoyed, he had the impudence to say that I did not know how to drive — though in a sufficiently feeble tone. Nevertheless I became furious.

Je me promenais avec ma tante, conduisant moi-même, juste à la hauteur du jardin public un monsieur venait à cheval en face de nous, et comme il est d'usage en France de tenir la droite, je l'ai tenue, mais le cavalier ne le sachant pas sans doute ne m'a donné passage de sorte qu'il se vint heurter assez rudement contre mes chevaux, humilé et fâché il eut l'impudence de dire que je ne savais pas mener mais d'un ton assez faible, néanmoins je devins furieuse.

— And you do not know how to ride, you insolent creature, I replied to him.

— Et vous, vous ne savez pas monter, insolent, lui répondis-je.

Poor idiot — how ridiculous when the horse is master of the rider. In the evening, without telling anyone, and as though we were doing something wrong, Nadinka and I went for a walk, taking Sacha as our protector. There was a ravishing veiled moonlight and I was quite proud to appear so tall in my white cashmere dress and my hat, with my forehead uncovered.

Pauvre imbécile, que c'est ridicule quand le cheval est le maître du cavalier. Le soir sans dire à personne et comme si nous faisions mal, moi et Nadinka allâmes nous promener prenant Sacha pour protecteur. Il faisait un clair de lune voilé ravissant et j'étais toute fière de paraître si grande en ma robe de cachemire blanc et mon chapeau, le front découvert.

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