Monday, 15 February 1875

I am growing accustomed to our new arrivals and at moments I think them good and sincere. Indeed, the only harm they do is to enrich themselves at our expense.
But with God’s help, I hope to put things in order by going to Russia.
At three o’clock I go out with the little Englishwoman — truly these Englishwomen I have the misfortune to employ are a special sort: stupid and unable to hold a conversation.
I have almost returned to work; I have six hours a week to fill with drawing and mathematics. With these two things my time will be fully occupied and I shall have time for everything — for the more time I have, the less I work.
At present I know no greater happiness than study.
Going out I met de Gonzalès on his way to call on us.
My word! I want to see the devil again, and the thought that he may have left annoys me supremely.
I have devised three or four outfits for the journey to Russia, and for the moment that journey is the thought that amuses me — I always need something to desire or to look forward to.
My uncle maintains, notwithstanding the proverb that no man is a prophet in his own country, that I shall have success in mine. So much the better if it is true.
If it is not true, it is almost a matter of indifference to me.
I sang today and see with joy that my voice has returned — not entirely, but considerably. What shall I fill this page with? I feel like ending my day at the bottom of this page. Have mercy!
Oh, how I detest the Poles — a cursed race. I adore the English.
I look at myself in the glass and find myself dazzlingly white; my complexion must win forgiveness for many defects in my face. Truly, my skin is very beautiful and I admire it — ah, if only others admired it as I do!

Notes

In Latin in the original: Deo juvante. A common expression in classical Latin letters. ↩
“No man is a prophet in his own country”: Biblical proverb (Matthew 13:57); Marie cites it to frame her uncle’s contrary claim. ↩
In Latin in the original: Miserere ! — the opening word of Psalm 51, used here as an exclamation of distress. ↩
See the note at 021/1874-07-09. ↩