Friday, 19 December 1873

I rode on horseback with Dina and the Howards -- with the Howards by chance; I do not wish to ride with them any more, it is awkward. I skip my English dictation to watch Maman and my aunt dress; they are going to a grand dinner at Mme Howard’s. Hélène alone will dine; the other children in the small room.
The two Strikers dine with us, and for them I put on a white kerchief and my rose-leaf ornament, which I bought the day before yesterday. They are charming -- only American. I do not much like these vulgar manners, and my idiot brother offered them cigarettes, so they smoked, which I detest in a drawing room. With close friends it is another matter, but two big boys -- fie! I was very amiable, and also a little American; we have a proverb: Live with wolves, howl with wolves -- which I do not entirely approve. The young Striker made sweet eyes at me, and I wanted so much to laugh! These little boys!
I laughed the whole time; I am more changeable than the weather. Morning, fair; afternoon, storm; evening, rain and fair again.
Solominka, who is at our house every day, is very improper with M. Tormosoff; they do not restrain themselves at all. Striker taught me “Shoo! fly, don’t bother me” etc. How vulgar Americans are!
The elder Striker has rose lips, which would be better placed on a woman, but he is a little one all the same. In my view one is not a perfect man before twenty-five; all men are amusing, and the more there are the better. Without men, it is death.
When I think that there are happy people, I am astonished; it is so hard and so easy to be happy. I should be curious to see her. She, that fortunate woman who is the wife of that... well, the Duchess of Hamilton, for she is already the Duchess of Hamilton -- how stupid I am.

Notes

In English in the original. ↩