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Monday, 8 December 1873
Lundi 8 décembre 1873
In two days.
Dans deux jours.
“May he be happy!”
« Pourvu qu’il soit heureux ! »
I have had the habit these past days of beginning the journal with “in two days, etc.” -- I write it the evening before.
J’ai l’habitude ces derniers jours de commencer le journal par « dans deux jours etc », je l’écris la veille.
I cannot -- no, never in my life... never in the world shall I be able to say what I felt on reading the Galignani, that fatal newspaper, source of all my unhappy tribulations. The article is entitled -- The marriage of the duke of Hamilton.1
Je ne puis, non jamais de ma vie... jamais au monde je ne pourrai dire ce que j’ai senti en lisant le « Galignani », journal fatal, source de toutes mes tribulations malheureuses. L’article est intitulé - The marriage of the duke of Hamilton.
Newspaper clipping · Galignani’s Messenger (d’après le Glasgow Herald), décembre 1873 · in EnglishHAMILTON.---The Glasgow Herald states that arrangements are now nearly completed for the befitting celebration of the marriage, on Wednesday next, of the Duke of Hamilton to Lady Mary Montagu, eldest daughter of the Duke and Duchess of ManchesterHAMILTON.---The Glasgow Herald states that arrangements are now nearly completed for the befitting celebration of the marriage, on Wednesday next, of the Duke of Hamilton to Lady Mary Montagu, eldest daughter of the Duke and Duchess of ManchesterThe ceremony takes place in Kimbolton Church, Huntingdonshire, and on the previous evening a ball will be given at Kimbolton Castle, which for upwards of three centuries has been the chief seat of the family with which the Premier Peer of Scotland is about to be allied. The event will be marked by great rejoicings on his grace’s extensive estates in the Middle Ward of Lanarkshire, Arran, Kinneil, etc. The principal festivities will take place at Hamilton, where on Tuesday night, in the Town-hall, an assembly will be held, to which, we believe, about 600 invitations will be issued, comprising the leading families in the county. The mineral and agricultural tenantry on the Hamilton and Kinneil estates will be entertained to a grand banquet in the Riding School of Hamilton Palace on Wednesday afternoon, and a similar entertainment will at the same time be given to all his grace’s employés. The Chatelherault cannon have been remounted for the occasion of the marriage, and a salute will be fired immediately on the completion of the nuptial ceremony. In the evening, there will be a display of fireworks; bonfires will be lit on the heights at Chatelherault and Dechmont; besides other outward indications of the general rejoicing.The ceremony takes place in Kimbolton Church, Huntingdonshire, and on the previous evening a ball will be given at Kimbolton Castle, which for upwards of three centuries has been the chief seat of the family with which the Premier Peer of Scotland is about to be allied. The event will be marked by great rejoicings on his grace’s extensive estates in the Middle Ward of Lanarkshire, Arran, Kinneil, etc. The principal festivities will take place at Hamilton, where on Tuesday night, in the Town-hall, an assembly will be held, to which, we believe, about 600 invitations will be issued, comprising the leading families in the county. The mineral and agricultural tenantry on the Hamilton and Kinneil estates will be entertained to a grand banquet in the Riding School of Hamilton Palace on Wednesday afternoon, and a similar entertainment will at the same time be given to all his grace’s employés. The Chatelherault cannon have been remounted for the occasion of the marriage, and a salute will be fired immediately on the completion of the nuptial ceremony. In the evening, there will be a display of fireworks; bonfires will be lit on the heights at Chatelherault and Dechmont; besides other outward indications of the general rejoicing.The Queen’s Own Yeomanry Cavalry, the mineral and agricultural tenantry, the officials and workmen on Hamilton and Kinneil estates, and servants in the palace and in Arran have subscribed handsomely for wedding gifts to Lady Mary. The employés’ present consists of a magnificent inkstand of chased design, costing, it is stated, close on £200.The Queen’s Own Yeomanry Cavalry, the mineral and agricultural tenantry, the officials and workmen on Hamilton and Kinneil estates, and servants in the palace and in Arran have subscribed handsomely for wedding gifts to Lady Mary. The employés’ present consists of a magnificent inkstand of chased design, costing, it is stated, close on £200.Over £2,000 has been subscribed by the tenantry of Lanarkshire on the estates of the duke for the purpose of presenting Lady Mary Montagu with a diamond bracelet on the occasion of her marriage to their noble landlord.
^[The newspaper article from the Glasgow Herald, reprinted in Galignani’s Messenger, is in English in the original.]Over £2,000 has been subscribed by the tenantry of Lanarkshire on the estates of the duke for the purpose of presenting Lady Mary Montagu with a diamond bracelet on the occasion of her marriage to their noble landlord.
They describe all the pomps being prepared. They have fired the cannons of Chatelherault, and the moment the nuptial ceremony is over, “a salute will be fired.” Balls, ceremonies, His Grace’s employés will present gifts to Lady Mary (I do not know why this “Lady Mary,” all by itself, suffocates me) and a thousand other arrangements -- magnificent, solemn, imposing, suffocating, and terrible. A real event, which would leave me breathless even if it did not concern the Duke of Hamilton. I am always very ecstatic and overwrought when I hear or read descriptions of any ceremony or solemnity; one can therefore -- no, one cannot imagine what I became on reading this accursed newspaper.
On décrit toutes les pompes qui se préparent. On a tiré les canons de Chatelherault et au moment où la cérémonie nuptiale sera terminée « a salute will be fired » Des bals, des cérémonies, His Grace’s employés présenteront des cadeaux à lady Mary (je ne ne sais pourquoi ce « lady Mary » tout seul, me suffoque) et mille autres arrangements magnifiques, solennels, imposants, suffoquants et terribles. Un vrai événement, qui me rendrait essoufflée si même il ne s’agissait pas du duc de Hamilton. Je suis toujours très extasiée et énervée lorsque j’entends ou je lis des descriptions de quelque cérémonie, solennité, on peut donc, non on ne peut pas s’imaginer ce que je suis devenue en lisant ce maudit journal.
On occasions like this one must use few words, for the subject itself is so rich that to adorn it would be to impoverish it.
Dans des occasions comme ça il faut user peu de mots car le sujet lui-même est tellement riche que l’orner serait l’appauvrir.
With my character, my fancy, my dreams, my desires, to read what I have read is to murder me. All the pomps and triumphs I could have imagined, and those I could not even have imagined -- it is all there. Everything will be done -- what solemn festivities, what ceremonies! No, I cannot; my breath fails me. I go to sit down -- or rather to kneel, where I always pray. God sees how great my grief is. It seems to me I shall never have a moment of happiness, and I began to weep. Then I laid my head on the armchair and stayed for some time asleep, or dazed, or dreaming.
Avec mon caractère, ma fantaisie, mes rêves, mes désirs : lire ce que j’ai lu veut dire m’assassiner. Toutes les pompes et les triomphes que j’aurais pu imaginer, et ce que je n’aurais même pas pu, tout y est. Tout ce fera, quelles fêtes solennelles, quelles cérémonies ! Non, je ne puis, la respiration me manque, je vais m’asseoir ou m’agenouiller plutôt où je prie toujours. Dieu voit, combien ma douleur est grande. Il me semble que jamais je n’aurai un moment de bonheur et je me suis mise à pleurer. Puis je mis la tête sur le fauteuil et je restai pendant quelque temps endormie, ou étourdie, ou rêveuse.
crossed outMadwoman that I am. I was thinking that he is an animal.
So there it is: the Duke of Hamilton back in his own sphere after all his wanderings abroad.2 There he is, then, raised to the heavens -- yes, to the heavens. His marriage is an extraordinary event, one that does not often happen. All England celebrates it. The premier peer of Scotland, the Duke of Hamilton, is marrying. Everything noble, rich, and beautiful -- it is all gathered together.
Enfin voilà donc le duc de Hamilton rentré dans sa sphère après toutes ses wanderings abroad. Le voilà donc élevé jusqu’aux cieux, oui jusqu’aux cieux. Son mariage est un événement extraordinaire, qui n’arrive pas souvent. Toute l’Angleterre le célèbre. Le premier pair d’Ecosse, le duc de Hamilton, se marie. Tout ce qu’il y a de noble, de riche, de beau, tout est réuni.
But the Hamiltons are of royal blood! The Dukes of Hamilton, Earls of Arran, Dukes of Chatelherault, etc., etc.
Mais les Hamilton sont du sang royal ! Les ducs de Hamilton, comtes d’Arran, ducs de Chatelherault etc. etc.
Only in England is the nobility so powerful and so magnificent. Nowhere else in the world are there such ancient families, such an aristocracy, such names -- names before which one feels moved.
Ce n’est qu’en Angleterre que la noblesse est si puissante et si magnifique. Il n’y a nulle part au monde de ces familles anciennes, cette aristocratie, ces noms devant lesquels on se sent ému.
What stirring ceremonies! All those people who depend on him. Those employees, those tenants, those I-know-not-whats -- all of them salute him like a king.
Quelles cérémonies saisissantes ! Tout ce monde qui dépend de lui. Ces employés, ces tenants, ces je ne sais plus quoi, tout ça le salue comme un roi.
Try as I may to write something, between each sentence I pause3 for ten minutes; I am cold, I am still like wood, and I understand nothing.
J’ai beau tâcher d’écrire quelque chose, entre chaque phrase je pause dix minutes, j’ai froid, je suis encore comme du bois et je ne comprends rien.
No! I cannot.
Non ! Je ne puis pas.
I am so calm at this moment that I am afraid. I am ambitious as no one else in the world, and this description of the Duke of Hamilton’s coming marriage is full of what could gratify my ambition.
Je suis si calme en ce moment que j’ai peur. Je suis ambitieuse comme personne au monde et cette description du prochain mariage du duc de Hamilton est pleine de ce qui pourrait gratifier mon ambition.
But I love him too, I love him! I love him, I love him!! To me he is a god!!!
Mais je l’aime aussi, je l’aime ! Je l’aime, je l’aime !! Pour moi il est un dieu !!!
And how I envy, how I rage! For no one in the world will ever make such an impression by marrying as he does. No one would create such a sensation. What charms me most is that ancient nobility of the families in England, that cult of titles. All those triumphs I dream of, that I adore.
Et comme j’envie, je rage ! Car personne au monde ne pourra produire un effet comme lui en se mariant. Personne ne ferait un pareil éclat. Ce qui me charme le plus, c’est cette antique noblesse des familles en Angleterre, ce culte des titres. Tous ces triomphes que je rêve, que j’adore.
And to have, along with all that, the one you love!
Et réunir à tout cela celui qu’on aime !
Everything I write is wooden, as I am myself at this moment. I am incapable of writing; I drag the pen along; I can say nothing. I understand nothing; I am made of wood. I am far happier when I am agitated, enraged, desperate than as I am now. My God, take away this cloud that covers me! Let me be alive.
Tout ce que j’écris est de bois, comme moi-même en ce moment, je suis incapable d’écrire, je traîne la plume, je ne puis rien dire. Je ne comprends rien, je suis de bois. Je suis bien plus heureuse lorsque je suis agitée, enragée, désespérée que comme maintenant. Mon Dieu ôtez ce nuage qui me couvre ! Faites que je sois vivante.
After reading the Galignani I went into the study room to study; my breathing could be heard from far off. I felt myself dying -- a feeling I cannot explain. Yet I did not fall; I am sitting bolt upright in the armchair. As if everything inside me were slowly going away, and my skin were turning dry, and I were sliding onto my back... horror! What a strange feeling.
Après avoir lu le “Galignani”, je suis allée dans la salle d’étude étudier, on pouvait entendre ma respiration de loin. Je me suis sentie mourir, un sentiment que je ne puis expliquer. Pourtant je ne suis pas tombée, je suis toute droite sur le fauteuil. Comme si tout ce qui est dans moi s’en allait doucement et, que ma peau devenait sèche, que je glissais sur le dos... horreur ! Quel étrange sentiment.
Oh! why am I made of wood! Why can I not weep, be happy in despair? I love him. We...
Oh ! pourquoi suis-je de bois ! Pourquoi ne puis-je pleurer, être heureuse dans le désespoir. Je l’aime, Nous...
Almighty God, grant that I may understand and express myself!
Dieu tout-puissant faites que je puisse comprendre et m’exprimer !
Notes
“The marriage of the duke of Hamilton” -- in English in the original, as the article headline. ↩
In English in the original. ↩
In English in the original. ↩