Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Friday, 10 October 1873

That little Elder is a minx. I have never seen a worse gossip -- she is only eighteen. What will she be with time?
But what a fool I am -- at the name of Addy I turn bright red! I forgot to pinch the tip of my ear. It is a very good remedy. I have saved myself several times already by pinching my ear.
Maman goes out with us (green dress, good). We go to fetch Paul from the lycee. Maman and I go in; the headmaster invites us into his study and we wait for Paul while chatting with him. He says Paul is excessively weak.
God grant he may advance -- he is fourteen! For two months we are both fourteen. How old I am, when one thinks that in fourteen months I shall be sixteen! It is frightening. A marriageable girl!
Ah! Lord, what misfortune!
I feel myself shudder. When I think of what stratagems one must resort to! "To brave the hideous jealousy of mothers, / Having death in one's heart, yet seeming happy." [Crossed out: [illegible] in society]
Yet it cannot already be so very disagreeable. I shall never have death in my heart, unless...
They are going to paper the dining room.
It is cold; we leave Papa at home and take Dina. I changed hats -- I put on the blue one. The straw is too cold; I await Maillard impatiently for the felt one!
We pass by, and Gioia has just come out; she is still in the same blue and white striped cotton dress. She was setting her dog down on the ground with a coquettish and graceful air. I could see her very well face to face, being in the front seat (second seat). The Princess says Gioia is thin. This is news to me. I must see her again to be sure, but it is impossible. Bete adds: thin as a nail.