Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Tuesday, 1 April 1873

Sunshine, wind, dust — fairly fine.
Canossos's horse, "Sornette, by Light out of Surprise, ridden by Pratt, belonging to Major Fridolin." Finished The Hump in oil.
Again today an antediluvian dress — my black velvet skirt and jacket, and over it the sleeveless tunic and short jacket in Dina's black cashmere; it looks very well. I think it is because I know how to wear a dress and I have an elegant bearing, for the same dress on another is quite different. At the promenade (this same dress, bandit hat, grey veil — very, very smart) — not an enormous number of people. I was much looked at. I should like to know why people look at me — whether it is because I am odd, or pretty. I would pay dearly for someone who would tell me the truth. I have a mind to ask someone (a young man) if I am pretty, in a naive tone.
[Written across the page: I looked like a little old lady.]
I always love to believe in good things, so I believe it is rather because I am pretty than odd. I may be mistaken, but if it is an illusion, I prefer to keep it because it flatters me. What would you have? In this world one must turn things to the best possible light and not trouble oneself or create difficulties. Life is so beautiful, so short.
I think about what my brother Paul will do when he is grown. What profession? For he surely cannot spend his life as many people do: promenading at first, and then throwing himself into the world of gamblers and courtesans — fie! Besides, he will not have the means. I shall write him every Sunday — sensible letters, not edifying ones — no, that would disgust him — but as a comrade. In short, I shall know how to manage it, and with God's help I may have some influence over him, for he must be a man.