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Friday, 24 January 1873
Vendredi 24 janvier 1873
Today is my birthday. I have just turned thirteen.1
Aujourd’hui, c’est mon anniversaire. Je viens d’avoir treize ans.1
We went with Maman to the Howards’. I stayed with the children in the garden.
Nous sommes allées avec maman chez les Howard. Je suis restée avec les enfants dans le jardin.
Tomorrow I ride.
Demain je monte à cheval.
On my way back, I went out onto the terrace. What a beautiful view one has from this terrace!
En rentrant, je suis allée sur la terrasse. Quel beau point de vue on découvre de cette terrasse !
Suddenly, just as I was about to go back inside the villa, Mlle Collignon called to me:
Tout à coup, au moment même où j’allais rentrer dans la villa, Mlle Collignon m’appelle:
— Come, Marie!
- Venez, Marie !
At that moment, the Duke of Hamilton was passing on the promenade.
A ce moment, sur la promenade, passait le duc de Hamilton.
He wore the same outfit as the other day. He was very handsome, but he did not see me. They prevented me from seeing him again. He disappeared without having been able to see me, pretty as I was in my green skirt and grey jacket. What a pity!
Il portait le même costume que celui de l’autre jour. Il était très beau, mais il ne m’a pas vue. On m’a empêchée de le voir encore une fois. Il a disparu sans avoir pu me voir, jolie comme j’étais avec ma jupe verte et ma casaque grise. C’est dommage !
How many times I have come to this terrace all alone.
Que de fois je suis venue toute seule sur cette terrasse.
One day, it was dark, the sky was sad, a thick fog covered the sea and part of the city. It was very damp. The Duke of Hamilton, on that very day, passed at the moment I was leaning on the terrace railing.
Un jour, il faisait sombre, le ciel était triste, un épais brouillard couvrait la mer et une partie de la ville. Il faisait très humide. Le duc de Hamilton juste ce jour-là passa au moment où j’étais accoudée à la terrasse.
He was bent down in his carriage to light his cigar, and no doubt he did not see me.
Il était baissé dans sa voiture pour allumer son cigare, et sans doute il ne m’a pas vue.
It was then that I made this reflection:
C’est alors que je me suis fait cette réflexion:
“A man of thirty, a man who knows nothing but races, horses, shooting, hunting, and who adores fine wine and loose women, goes to his mistress’s, lights his cigar with a calm and satisfied air, and I, fool that I am, I watch him and imagine that he cannot even see me!” I thought all this, and I also thought that despite everything I was very happy, since that day I had seen him, and that at bottom it is the great thing I desire.
« Un homme de trente ans, un homme qui ne connaît que courses, chevaux, tirs, chasse et adore le bon vin et les mauvaises femmes, va chez sa maîtresse, allume son cigare d’un air tranquille et satisfait, et moi, folle que je suis, je le regarde et j’imagine qu’il ne peut seulement me voir ! » J’en pense tout cela et j’ai pensé aussi que j’étais malgré tout très heureuse puisque ce jour-là, je l’avais vu et qu’au fond c’est la grande chose que je désire.
I still had the vision of the Duke of Hamilton when I came to nestle my head against Mlle Collignon’s bosom and kissed her several times, so deeply happy was I.
J’avais encore la vision du duc de Hamilton lorsque je suis venue blottir ma tête dans la poitrine de Mlle Collignon que j’ai embrassée plusieurs fois, tant au fond j’étais heureuse.
Notes
Marie was born on 12 November 1858 (Old Style), seven months after her parents’ marriage. To hide this, the family celebrated her birthday on 12 January, claiming a premature birth (Kernberger 2013, Chronology); 12 January Old Style is 24 January in the Western calendar. Marie was in fact fourteen. She learned the truth from her father in 1878, and the false year 1860 was later engraved on her tomb (Kernberger 2013). ↩