Tuesday, 22 April 1884

I go to see Julian and he says: medal — as if it were a real possibility. I am enchanted, and feel ready to paint pictures, sculpt statues, and write books, straight away. Books above all.
This is no life! Seeing no one, going nowhere!!! What is the point then!!
Dear God, I have said it a thousand times already, but there are moments when one must say it again. so much
Buried alive, and now half dead.
God have mercy!