Friday, 12 May 1882

There are days when one cannot work — one forces oneself all the same, and the only result is greater irritation, and afterwards one tells oneself: I was not sufficiently forceful, I should have compelled myself to it...
Around four o'clock we go to the Salon with the Gavinis — Friday is the fashionable day. I am very pretty in my grey dress, so simple and so distinguished, and everyone looks at me; at the Bois too, where we go afterwards. I encountered only Tony with a lady — no Carolus, no Bastien — and I had been preparing myself to be coquettish. [Crossed out: Tomorrow we are invited to] dine at M. de Dalmas's. I do not know why he did not invite the Gavinis; they are not pleased.
Besides... I would have liked to meet Cassagnac — I have never encountered him except when badly dressed or with a tired face, and today I looked very well. Really, it is not kind of fate. That Cassagnac thinks me ill and plain and sad. Ah! How one longs to show oneself pretty and brilliant... And why do I have so little luck — in everything.
The weather is fine and bright, the sun is warm — it all seems very gay, and one tells oneself one ought not to be unhappy, nor even as discontented as I am...