Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Friday, 29 July 1881

Saint Agathe!1 Oh — what joy to see each other again! He unrolls the whole rosary... all his follies in short; I fear he will end up very ridiculous.

Saint Agathe ! O merci de se revoir ! Il deroule tout le chapelet... enfin toutes ses folies; je crains qu'il finira tres ridicule.

Well... As for my painting, he says he did not encourage me before, having had no confidence, thinking it an unfortunate infatuation — but now! My painting is good, good, good, etc. I shall have both successes and medals — a real career. Saint Agathe is going to put his shoulder to the wheel; he believes in my talent. What nonsense.

Enfin... Quant a ma peinture il dit qu'il ne m'encourageait pas avant, n'ayant pas confiance, croyant a une passion malheureuse mais a present I! Mon tableau est bien, bien, bien etc. J'aurai et des succes et des medailles, une vraie carriere. Saint Agathe va pousser a la roue, il croit a mon talent. Quelles folies.

In short, I am very sad and have no confidence in anything. Breslau's laurels are positively keeping me from sleeping — though Villevieille and others never cease to repeat that, taking into account the time we have each worked, Breslau having begun to paint before I began to draw — considered on those terms, I am far more extraordinary than she... Ah!... Well. I shall have to set to work.

Enfin, je suis tres triste et n'ai confiance en rien. Les lauriers de Breslau m'empechent positivement de dormir bien que Villevieille et d'autres ne cessent de repeter que prenant en consideration le temps que nous avons travaille, Breslau ayant commence a peindre avant que je commence a dessiner, que cela considere je suis bien plus extraordinaire qu'elle... Ah ! ... Enfin. Il va falloir se mettre a travailler.

Notes

Saint Agathe: a recurring figure in the diaries — apparently a nickname or alias for an admirer, used here with affectionate irony. The name "Saint Agathe" was sometimes used as a nickname in 19th-century French society. ↩