Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Wednesday, 31 March 1880

I am out of sorts! I should have listened to Tony and rested... I go to pester Julian, to whom I give the following note:
I, the undersigned, undertake to do every week a head and an academy figure, or else a life-size study. In addition, I shall do three compositions per week, or one, but then properly painted. If I fail to meet the aforesaid conditions, I authorize M. Rodolphe Julian, painter, to proclaim everywhere that I am absolutely unworthy of any kind of interest. Marie Russ
Then I go to Tony's, but he has a model; I stay only a few minutes.
We dine at the Mouzays'. Horace de Caillas does graphology; Mme Bonsenne (niece) plays the piano. A very beautiful head like an Arlesienne, but very common when she speaks; provincial; must deceive her husband a great deal, who married her for love. She wishes to do serious ensemble music with Caillas.
There were also the husband Bonsenne, Daniel, and Mlle Defoucaud, who sings very nicely.
"You are very gifted," Tony tells me, "you must do something, truly."
"If you let yourself go, I no longer answer for anything!" Julian tells me. "You are already behind; to arrive, you will arrive, but you should have arrived as a phenomenon."
"You must, you absolutely must strike a great blow at the next Salon; you must do a painting, something! You absolutely must."