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Saturday, 21 December 1878
Samedi, 21 décembre 1878
Ah! well, really! it would be funny if it were not so vile and disgusting.
Ah ! par exemple ! ce serait drôle si ce n’était si ignoble et dégoûtant.
Once again M. Georges is being tolerated and they hide it from me. The night before last he came and shouted in the night and frightened everyone.
De nouveau on tolère M. Georges et on me le cache. Avant-hier il est venu la nuit crier et effrayer tout le monde.
Nadine is stunned and revolted. I was shocked and furious on learning from Paul that this monster was there and that my family was tolerating him and hiding it from me. I burst into tears, praying God to make me die. This happened yesterday.
Nadine est ahurie et révoltée. Moi j’ai été saisie, en colère en apprenant de Paul que ce monstre était là et que ma famille le tolérait et me le cachait. Je me suis mise à pleurer en priant Dieu de me faire mourir. Cela se passait hier.
crossed outAnd when I went to tell Jacques to drive that horror out, my mother jumped out of bed, ill as she was, and began to [Gap] more of saying that I beat you. And my mother added seriously, in front of everyone, several times: — Yes, you beat me and [Gap] me. It is I who have fits [Gap] against me and if he [Gap] me.
I was supposed to go to the theatre with Mme Gavini; I went — and the good woman went into raptures over my healthy look, my pretty face, and my rested air. Blanc was there. Paul spoke to him in the corridor and told me that “Monsieur looks as if he had stolen something”.
Je devais aller au théâtre avec Mme Gavini, j’y suis allée et la bonne femme s’est extasiée sur ma bonne mine, ma jolie figure et mon air reposé. Blanc était là. Paul lui a parlé dans le couloir et m’a dit que « Monsieur a l’air d’avoir volé quelque chose ».
Nothing good today. Painting is not going well. I think it will take me more than six months to equal Breslau.
Aujourd’hui rien de bon. La peinture ne va pas. Je crois qu’il me faudra plus de six mois pour égaler Breslau.
She will certainly be an extraordinary woman. Just think, she is thoroughly depraved, though she has a few good impulses; spiteful and a liar, in short... A mixture I would call bizarre, if the bizarre were not so common nowadays.
Elle sera sûrement une femme extraordinaire. Pensez donc, elle est absolument vicieuse quoique ayant quelques bons élans; méchante et menteuse enfin... Un mélange, je dirais bizarre si la bizarrerie n’était si commune par le temps qui court.
I believe that to complete the campaign of slander
Je crois que pour compléter la campagne en diffamation
crossed outthat my family, my tender mother, ran off to Nice this evening, no doubt to escape my blows. It is real madness. May God forgive her — I cannot; I despise them with all my heart and do not hate them, because I wish them no harm. And if this woman dies, it is her brother who will have killed her. They will say it was I.
Painting is not going well... No, you see, it is useless to struggle. I am an utterly lost creature. There is no use mincing words.
La peinture ne va pas... Non voyez-vous c’est inutile de lutter. Je suis un être absolument perdu. Il n’y a pas à marchander.
Blanc’s embarrassed air began just when people began to talk of a marriage for Cassagnac. That is to say, well before the marriage and the letters — nearly six weeks before.
L’air gêné de Blanc a commencé juste au moment ou l’on a commencé à causer d’un mariage de Cassagnac. C’est-à-dire bien avant le mariage et les lettres, près de six semaines avant.
written across the page
and even well before that — we were scarcely settled at 71 Champs-Élysées when Blanc already never spoke of Cassagnac except in an embarrassed way.
en travers et même bien avant à peine étions nous installés au 71 des Champs-Elysées que Blanc ne parlait jamais de Cassagnac que d’une façon gênée.
I shall go to the Opera, and in that way, masked, I shall find out what he knows.
J’irai à l’Opéra et je saurai ainsi, masquée, ce qu’il sait.
Come now, my girl, you think Breslau painted better than you after two and a half months. But she was painting still lifes or plaster casts. And six months ago Robert-Fleury was saying to her the very words he said to me this morning:
Allons ma fille, tu crois que Breslau a peint mieux que toi au bout de deux mois et demi. Mais elle peignait des natures mortes ou des plâtres. Et il y a six mois de cela Robert-Fleury lui disait les paroles qu’il m’a dit ce matin:
— It is disjointed, the tone is raw and cold; you must get out of that. Do one or two copies.
- C’est disloqué, le ton est cru et froid; Il faut sortir de là. Faites une ou deux copies.
She did not die of it after ten months of painting, so shall I die of it after two and a half?
Elle n’en est pas morte au bout de dix mois de peinture, car mourrai-je au bout de deux et demi ?