Sunday, 23 December 1877

I shall answer him one of these days.
Berne, 22 December 1877
Dear Mademoiselle Marie,
I urgently beg you to send me news of your grandfather; his condition seemed alarming when I left Paris, but I hope with all my heart that there has been no fresh catastrophe and that these attacks have not recurred. I do not think I shall be able to come back to Paris now, as I had intended, my father being ill and my grandmother also rather unwell. It is hardly surprising, for we have suddenly had a severe cold spell; everyone has a cold and is coughing.
Are you pursuing your artistic studies with the same ardour?
I shall be very happy to receive a line from you; I hope it will not bring bad news.
My address is still care of Marcuard & Co., bankers, Berne.
My warmest regards to your family, and believe me your devoted servant,
F. de Marcuard
It is cold. I am reading the Grammaire de dessin by Charles Blanc, a very interesting book; I play the harp and draw the skeleton.
At eighteen, what a life! I like it, but I would like it even more if it were not forced on me.
Yesterday my hair was not quite done the way I wanted, but they fell for me all the same. I have no complaint to make of the public, but a success at the theatre is nothing new to me.
I am irritated; I have no time to do anything, life is so short... long enough if one uses all of it... but I should like to have nothing left to learn at twenty, so as to enjoy what I would have learnt, and, while enjoying it, to go on learning, but differently, without fatigue, the way one learns the small things that complete the great ones.
Poor women! What effort, what fever, just to know what every science student learns, what all men learn, or most of them, I mean the well-bred part. They send you to school and you learn it all quite naturally, whereas I, whereas we... We squander ourselves, we squander books, we know things but without order, and I am mad about order, symmetry, regular things... even if I then upset everything myself, turn it all upside down and do it over. I cannot express myself at all tonight.

Notes

Marie’s short form of the title of Charles Blanc’s Grammaire des arts du dessin (1867), literally Grammar of Drawing; the painting section appeared in English as The Grammar of Painting and Engraving (1874). ↩