Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Saturday, 24 November 1877

Grand-papa is no worse, but he has sent for the consul and put his affairs in order — which concerns me very little. He will give me nothing, knowing that I have my aunt. He has drawn a bill in Dina's name for 75,000 roubles.
This evening at the studio there was only Amélie, myself, and Julian. The maid and Rosalie.
Monsieur Julian had us shown the competition drawings of the gentlemen, our own, and the caricatures of the gentlemen.
We set about examining and judging our competition while awaiting the real judgement, which will take place on Tuesday, made by MM. Robert-Fleury, Lefebvre, and Boulanger.
There will be a contest between Breslau, a Frenchwoman (four years in the studio, always profiles, no sacred fire but perfect draughtsmanship), and one other. Amélie, the Polish girl, and fat Jenny are showing paintings.
When they reached my head I blushed, and Julian said approximately this:
— You may be poorly ranked because you are competing against young women who have had three or four years in the studio — who are accomplished, in short. But your head is quite simply one of the most lifelike. What you do is phenomenal. Take this drawing to whichever of the great masters you please and ask him how long it takes to draw like that from life — and no one, no one, do you hear, will tell you less than one year. Now, of course it is full of faults...
And he gave me a lesson comparing my drawing with that of the Frenchwoman.
— And your académies are full of faults, but there is not a single obvious mistake; go and tell people that after a month or six weeks you are drawing figures as well-placed and solid as that from life — and they will say you are having them on.
— Well, Monsieur — I am not pleased with myself!
And I said it — I swear to you — with genuine conviction.
— Not pleased?
— No! I very much hope to do a little better...
— If you continue you will produce extraordinary things; what you do is — I have said it — phenomenal.
He never expresses himself like that in front of many people — it would cause a revolution — and he only said it this evening because he is taken in by Amélie, who passes herself off as an angel. Poor girl — her painting is horribly drawn and painted with mere flair. Julian told her so, whereupon a torrent of tears. It is hard to be in that position after four years of dogged work. She cannot construct a head, or an académie, and if Breslau did not so often correct her drawings I truly do not know what would become of her paintings.
Poor girl.
I needed a little encouragement — for this morning, I assure you, I was very low.
Yes, I shall no doubt be poorly ranked — these tormentors do not know how long I have been drawing, and without seeing the model they cannot appreciate the likeness.