Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Saturday, 21 July 1877

I am terrified by the flight of time! I am lost! I am distraught to see myself this way! [Crossed out: I search everywhere for good moments, I exhaust myself, I do not sleep.]
Why have I loved myself! If I had found some dirty, genuine affection I would forget myself. But thank God I have not had that happiness, I have remained with myself — and to see myself thus is dreadful!
Attempts, disillusions, struggles, tears, despair — and now do you know what I have become? ! Do you know how far... my unhappiness goes! Do you know to what degree I feel lost, what I have become?! Well! I have become resigned!!!
That is the most beautiful thing there is.
I was at the embroiderers' again; the baroness irritated me, my aunt made me impatient, Dachad was stupid!