Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Monday, 1 January 1877

I try to be cheerful; Visconti arrives. He is "a friend" — we talk about our intimate affairs. He says that people have not talked about it. That reassures me too much. He also tells me that the Cardinal's daughter is about to bring a lawsuit — futile but very scandalous — against the Antonelli family, and that Count Louis and his family live so miserably and keep house so badly:
— That I ended by going there no more — I tell you frankly, for a household so badly kept is to me like a kick in the backside.
Well, it is a kick in the backside to me too, and I think of my condescension toward Pietro with a smile of compassion.
It is marvellous how these things wound me.
The further he falls, the more I regret my weakness — and the calmer I am about the present.
I have received an anonymous basket of flowers. Lily of the valley and ivy... it sets one dreaming. It is neither Simonetti nor Plowden — the latter comes before dinner "for fear of not finding us in the evening." All the others would have sent a card... Maman laughs and is sure it is Angelini.
We go out, and for great modesty I put on the black hat — it is very pretty.
A promenade — a benevolent, happy, naive, ardent, artistic multitude, enjoying itself like a child at a party...
A marvellous sunset. My soul seems to have wings and to want to soar into the celestial heights.
I want to go to Paris. I have sent by post to Angelini a lock of black hair from Maman's chignon.
An enormous nose to Doria, to remind him of Mme Leghait. And an orange-blossom leaf to Paul Antonelli.
And a letter to Angelini in which I ask him to buy me a box of sweets and send it to San Remo, to the Rocca... I leave tomorrow, but these are materials for the Carnival.

Notes

Lily of the valley: traditional New Year good-luck flower in France and Italy; ivy: symbolizes fidelity and eternal attachment in the Victorian language of flowers. ↩