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1876-11-27
Monday, 27 November 1876
# Lundi 27 novembre 1876 ## Dimanche 27 novembre 1876
Why does one conceal one's nudity? Because one is not certain of being beautiful. If one had the certainty of a perfect and irreproachable beauty, one would have no scruple about showing oneself naked. I went to see Berthe and Mouzay's lady companion. I asked the latter for advice: should I accept the Mertens' invitation, knowing that M. de La Motte would be there this evening?
— You know, I added, it is painful to know what you have just told me — the Mertens woman has been spreading tales — unrequited loves create nothing but enemies. I have no desire to be loved. All I can offer is a good and honest friendship.
— That is quite true, my dear, replied the Countess, but I advise you not to neglect connections that present themselves to you. If you come this evening you will leave a seed to germinate and — who knows? — perhaps you will find a tree grown when you return to Paris. The La Mottes are not people to neglect, neither for their name, nor their connections, nor their position. This young man is a brilliant match even for you, and would above all be a lever in Paris. Well, that is true enough — and so I shall go! But without changing my dress, and in my hat.
— You know, I added, it is painful to know what you have just told me — the Mertens woman has been spreading tales — unrequited loves create nothing but enemies. I have no desire to be loved. All I can offer is a good and honest friendship.
— That is quite true, my dear, replied the Countess, but I advise you not to neglect connections that present themselves to you. If you come this evening you will leave a seed to germinate and — who knows? — perhaps you will find a tree grown when you return to Paris. The La Mottes are not people to neglect, neither for their name, nor their connections, nor their position. This young man is a brilliant match even for you, and would above all be a lever in Paris. Well, that is true enough — and so I shall go! But without changing my dress, and in my hat.
Pourquoi cache-t-on sa nudité ? Parce que l'on n'est pas sûr d'être beau. Si on avait la certitude d'une parfaite et irréprochable beauté on ne se ferait aucun scrupule de si montrer nu.
Everything passed with an incomparable calm and majesty. The salon brightly lit; the Baroness with her white hair, her young and beautiful face, and her rich dress like an old portrait. The Baron, as cocksure as ever — a hundred thousand [words blotted out: francs] income. The poor man cannot accustom himself to poverty and keeps up both his habits of luxury and his grand manner. At nine o'clock the young M. de La Motte, in evening dress, entered the salon and came slowly to kiss the hand of the Baroness, of her sister, and of the Comtesse de Bailleul — wife of the Comte de Bailleul I knew four months ago. He was presented to Maman, who was in her hat as I was. All those powdered heads and trailing gowns seemed like shades from the last century. A table was brought in and a game of whist formed, with solemn silence. Since yesterday it seems to me that I am playing a part. Do you realise it is a perfectly official interview?!
Tout se passa avec un calme et une majesté incomparables. Le salon fortement éclairé, la baronne avec ses cheveux blancs, sa figure jeune et belle et sa riche toilette semblait un vieux portrait. Le baron, coq comme toujours, cent mille [Mots noircis : francs] de rente. Ce pauvre homme ne peut s'habituer à la pauvreté et conserve et ses habitudes de luxe et son grand air.
I examined M. de La Motte, and this examination has unfortunately changed nothing of my first impression. Unfortunately — because this man [words blotted out: has a] position according to my wishes, and I am a woman according to his. Antipathies are not ours to command. I conversed with composure, restraint, wit, and grace. Which did not prevent people from going into raptures over my "decided air." "It is this calm, this assurance — they are marvellous," people said. "She does not raise her voice, she does not change her attitude while saying the most extraordinary and serious things." Without affectation I let it be seen that I had studied and read widely. Marriage was ventured upon, and the "young man" produced theories so singular...
— "One can be in love whenever one wishes, and I for example — if I find a girl who pleases me as to face, as to figure, as to mind, and as to fortune, I shall marry her. For I cannot marry a poor person — it would be a sacrilege; I am the first man in my county and I must keep up appearances." You must admit that is bold. The Baroness exchanged a glance with me and said drily:
— Foreigners all think so and have the worst opinion of the French — they believe French men marry only for money. I had told her as much yesterday, and my supposition was singularly confirmed.
— "One can be in love whenever one wishes, and I for example — if I find a girl who pleases me as to face, as to figure, as to mind, and as to fortune, I shall marry her. For I cannot marry a poor person — it would be a sacrilege; I am the first man in my county and I must keep up appearances." You must admit that is bold. The Baroness exchanged a glance with me and said drily:
— Foreigners all think so and have the worst opinion of the French — they believe French men marry only for money. I had told her as much yesterday, and my supposition was singularly confirmed.
J'examinai M. de La Motte et cet examen n'a malheureusement changé en rien ma première impression. Malheureusement, parce que cet homme [Mots noircis : a une] position selon mes désirs et que je suis une femme selon les siens.
Things were said that seemed to me the strangest in the world. And yet it is quite honest. He offers me a name, a position, and brilliant connections with the first families of France, along with a most remarkable career. In exchange he asks for wit and money. It is a commercial transaction, a very... natural enterprise, and if the man were not so antipathetic I would accept. The face would count for nothing. It is this character — dry, brutal, self-interested, ambitious and tenacious, covered with a triple coat of worldly varnish. Yes, he belongs to the category of the varnished ones. Charming, supple, very agreeable, attentive and humble in society — in private he must be a hard, disagreeable and wicked man.
On dit des choses qui m'ont parues les plus étranges de la terre. D'ailleurs c'est très honnête. On me donne un nom, une position et des alliances brillantes avec les premières familles de France, en outre une carrière des plus remarquables. Et on me demande en échange de l'esprit et de l'argent. C'est une opération commerciale, une entreprise très... naturelle et, si l'homme n'était pas si antipathique, j'accepterais. La figure ne serait rien. C'est ce caractère sec, brutal, intéressé, ambitieux et tenace, recouvert d'une triple couche du vernis mondain. Oui il appartient à la catégorie des gens *vernis.*
I shall quote one remark among others — we were speaking of Alexis.
— He told me I should never be happy, I said.
— That is because happiness will present itself to you, Mademoiselle, replied M. de La Motte, and you will kick it away with that light, composed air which I already know in you. Oh! But he said so many things and far more direct ones. He knew I was forewarned. I said that I did not love France as a Republic and desired to leave it.
— But instead of that, Mademoiselle, one must on the contrary stay and drive out the Republic.
— And [words blotted out: what could I] do, Monsieur! Ah! if I could do anything, certainly I would employ all my strength for it.
— You could do a great deal.
— And how so?
— For that it would be necessary to do one thing.
— What thing?
— Ah! I shall not tell you. You should have heard him — the tone makes the music.
— He told me I should never be happy, I said.
— That is because happiness will present itself to you, Mademoiselle, replied M. de La Motte, and you will kick it away with that light, composed air which I already know in you. Oh! But he said so many things and far more direct ones. He knew I was forewarned. I said that I did not love France as a Republic and desired to leave it.
— But instead of that, Mademoiselle, one must on the contrary stay and drive out the Republic.
— And [words blotted out: what could I] do, Monsieur! Ah! if I could do anything, certainly I would employ all my strength for it.
— You could do a great deal.
— And how so?
— For that it would be necessary to do one thing.
— What thing?
— Ah! I shall not tell you. You should have heard him — the tone makes the music.
Je vais citer une phrase entre autre, on parlait d'Alexis.
When for the hundredth time my "formed character" was spoken of again, I felt tolerably irritated, and instead of expressing that irritation by grimaces I said in a calm, carrying voice so as to be heard by all:
— It seems to me that without some firmness of character one cannot live honestly! That had exactly the effect of an invisible hand sticking reversed pins into the armchairs of the audience.
— Oh! how true that is! said everyone.
— Are you romantic, Mademoiselle?
— In what sense do you mean it, Monsieur? There are a hundred ways of being romantic.
— One must own oneself beaten, said the "young man," hypocritically or sincerely, when one finds oneself in the presence of such a mind. Followed by: it is extraordinary, marvellous, etc., etc. Oh, the fools! They think to take in a rich "foreigner" — vain, headstrong, easily carried away.
— It seems to me that without some firmness of character one cannot live honestly! That had exactly the effect of an invisible hand sticking reversed pins into the armchairs of the audience.
— Oh! how true that is! said everyone.
— Are you romantic, Mademoiselle?
— In what sense do you mean it, Monsieur? There are a hundred ways of being romantic.
— One must own oneself beaten, said the "young man," hypocritically or sincerely, when one finds oneself in the presence of such a mind. Followed by: it is extraordinary, marvellous, etc., etc. Oh, the fools! They think to take in a rich "foreigner" — vain, headstrong, easily carried away.
Lorsque pour la centième fois on reparla de mon "caractère formé" je me suis sentie passablement agacée et au lieu de traduire cet agacement par des mines je dis d'une voix calme et sonore de façon a être entendue de tous.
They all had the bad taste to attack Cassagnac, naming him: the handsome one, the superb, the splendid, the incomparable Paolo.1 Ah! yes — damn it all — Paolo as you call him. Paolo the gentleman, the mastiff, the duellist, the scarecrow of the rabble — the man who carries pistols and a blackjack on his person, who has in his hôtel a mirror to see who comes to him and a speaking tube to cry out that he is not in. How dare you, sinister cretins — how dare you compare yourselves to this Paolo whom you venture to ridicule while loading him with excessive praise?! This noble, loyal, brave man — compared to that [word blotted out: vain] machine of vanity! Come, you never even thought of it! And if you considered him a trifle you would not exhaust yourselves in diminishing him.
Ils ont eu tous le mauvais goût d'attaquer Cassagnac, de le nommer : le beau, - le superbe, - le splendide, - l'incomparable *Paolo.-*
The varnished young man mentioned that his sister had married at sixteen. I made a gesture of astonishment and repulsion.
— How early, I said; I shall marry at twenty-five. I said so much in this vein that he ended by speaking of butterflies burning their wings, of precautions to be taken, etc., etc. Ah! Messieurs les Français, you thought to find a young extravagant, rich and wilful girl — a foreigner, in short, let us say the great word. But what do you think of us foreigners? Pshaw! Let us not be angry. One thinks of us what one must, only I do not belong to the general rule. I am neither Russian nor a foreigner; I am Myself — I am what a woman ought to be, with my ambitions... the moment to satisfy them has come... well then?... let us wait a little.
— How early, I said; I shall marry at twenty-five. I said so much in this vein that he ended by speaking of butterflies burning their wings, of precautions to be taken, etc., etc. Ah! Messieurs les Français, you thought to find a young extravagant, rich and wilful girl — a foreigner, in short, let us say the great word. But what do you think of us foreigners? Pshaw! Let us not be angry. One thinks of us what one must, only I do not belong to the general rule. I am neither Russian nor a foreigner; I am Myself — I am what a woman ought to be, with my ambitions... the moment to satisfy them has come... well then?... let us wait a little.
Le jeune homme verni a dit que sa sœur s'était mariée à seize ans.
I was lying on Maman's bed when the thought came to me... I sprang up exclaiming:
— It seems to me that M. de La Motte is asking for my hand in a fairly transparent fashion?
— Yes.
— He is twenty-seven to twenty-eight years old, and he has a black beard...
— Why yes.
— Well! Remember the prediction la Moreau made for me four months ago: "Shortly you will be sought by a man of twenty-eight, with a black beard" — "Well, what do you say to that!" Ah! From that instant I began to revive. Oh! My God — if even half her prediction came true... She promised me everything, everything one could desire!... But is it not strange!
— It seems to me that M. de La Motte is asking for my hand in a fairly transparent fashion?
— Yes.
— He is twenty-seven to twenty-eight years old, and he has a black beard...
— Why yes.
— Well! Remember the prediction la Moreau made for me four months ago: "Shortly you will be sought by a man of twenty-eight, with a black beard" — "Well, what do you say to that!" Ah! From that instant I began to revive. Oh! My God — if even half her prediction came true... She promised me everything, everything one could desire!... But is it not strange!
J'étais sur le lit de maman quand il me vint à l'idée... je bondis en m'écriant :
Notes
Paolo — Italian form of Paul, here a mocking nickname the La Motte circle applied to Cassagnac; Marie seizes it and turns it into a title of honour. ↩