Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Friday, 17 July 1874

At last I arrive at this Friday, for it is all at once that I have written my three days. One must never let things trail behind [Crossed out: I put on] (linen dress, Massa hat, yellow boots that give me an adorable foot, which everyone looks at).
I go to the concert with Maman, Basilevitch, etc. Papa Rigolo.
Gambart comes towards us; Maman has him invite our gentlemen -- tomorrow there is a soiree at his house. Etc. would go to the devil rather than leave his beauty. He has come for her. How happy she is.
We look for Gericke; Gericke is nowhere to be found. Maman sees him pass just as we were going to dinner and calls him. He flees; he is distracted.
Gericke said he will not go to Gambart's, because he is leaving for Holland tomorrow. But he returns Sunday -- to the white house!
Basilevitch says he will not come back. That is not possible; he will come back -- it would be too... What? If you please. This departure vexes me; I am irritated during dinner, I can barely seem as usual. It is stupid.
Without changing I go into town; I needed to walk, to go out alone. Under the pretext of telling them to bring the piano. I am fresh today; my linen dress is adorable, exactly as I like it, my hat too, my feet too, my hairstyle too -- I am pleased with myself. I come back and see then, at the cafe, the baron, the Greek, and two more I do not know. I ordered myself an enormous fan. I went back again into the avenue all alone -- still about this piano.
We dress. My hairstyle, gold headband, pink dress, black satin boots -- those from last winter; they are marvellous, these boots, very fine. We go to the marquise's -- a soiree.
Neither Basilevitch nor her etc. are there yet. I am impatient. At last de Tanlay appears and my face brightens, then Gericke, and then Basilevitch on the arm of the marquis. They are decidedly in love with this woman!
I shall not describe anything well, as in [Crossed out: Thursday] yesterday, because I am writing now and I am furious.
Gericke is not amusing, but he pleases me. Gericke is handsome; Gericke pays no attention to me and I am furious.
There were perhaps forty people.
There was dancing; I danced.
Gericke is abominable,
Scoundrel and devil Bold, amiable Abominable!
He dares incredible things! Finishing a waltz, he did not let go of me but on the contrary pressed my waist; I wanted to sit down, he made a false step, and Mme Malezieux's dog, beside whom I went to sit, began barking with all its might. He is a pig -- the dames-cocottes have spoiled him; he permits himself impossible things. What is he thinking? Winslow irritates me; he courts me. Ladd ogles and does what Winslow does. (In a quadrille, Basilevitch and Tanlay on one side and Gericke and Row on the other spent [sic] a figure talking. They were facing each other.)
When I found myself on a sofa next to Row, I told her what I could say about Gericke and Basilevitch; then she grew indignant and said -- how dare he then court young ladies?!!
She does not understand him and believes he is courting her.
In the land of artichokes
Sometimes it gets very hot
Just in that very country
Paparigopoulos was born.
He is a man athletic
Embracing the career diplomatic
Dark, a fine fellow, Like his ancestor Agamemnon.
Walitsky
On the shore of the Atlantic ocean,
Marie, a maiden most fantastic,
Goes floating with the Baron Gericke
A young man diplomatic
These verses are by Walitsky.
Gericke is in love.
Ah, what news!
Row grew angry watching Basilevitch leaning on the tail of the piano, seated between Tanlay and the baron. Both were melting, devouring with their eyes, and loving. They remained thus in a trinity for half an hour that seemed to me very long. Row and I told each other that Basilevitch was ugly. What good does it do?
The fact is that it is Basilevitch they love, that it is she who attracts. The Greek, having begun to court Maman -- poor Maman -- has moved on to Basilevitch.
I rage! But at fifteen I can do nothing!
The Greek and Gericke are both irritated when, towards the end, we were in the dining room at table and eating. Basilevitch had wanted to eat and they had roast-beef served.
I tried to talk with the Greek; it seems I offended him by saying, when Basilevitch had said he had an amiable character -- You think so? I told him he was mistaken, that I say "you think so?" and "really?" when I have not heard and when I have nothing to say. I looked at him; he told me I had deep eyes. He is tall but he is young. I turned my chair and the whole time I spoke with him. I wanted him to tell me what I had said that might have wounded him:
-- I am not in the habit of begging; say it, I insist, said I, closing my eyes. Fool that I am.
But there was something with him this evening, I am sure of it. We walk home; Gericke gives me his arm. This scoundrel wanted me to lean on him, but I explained that those are not my ways, that he was mistaken. Ten times he took my hand; ten times I snatched it back. He is disgusting; he does it with cynicism. Fortunately Walitsky and Paul came and we were four. But before them he was the same. He seeks only to touch one's foot, or press one's hand -- even kiss it -- look right into one's eyes from close up, and all of it like a trade! He does not respect my fifteen years. Fortunately I respect them. It is vexing to see a man forget himself like this. On leaving he absolutely wanted to kiss Dina's hand and mine. He seeks only
or Oshnar. Everyone is taken. He was introduced yesterday to Basilevitch.
It is nearly daylight.
I forgot also to say that Basilevitch thinks me a genius; she consults me and asks me -- who "have the talent for reading people" -- what I think of this one or that, and whether Tanlay is in love with her. She treats me as a grown-up and thinks me very perceptive. I assume mysterious airs with her, and often too I nearly lose my composure. Often I say nothing, looking as though I have too much to say, and I shake my head or smile as though I would tell all (if I spoke).
Our villa shall be called Douchenka.
This winter I hope to [Crossed out: have] see Boreel, if Gericke comes.