Thursday, 23 April 1874

This morning, speaking of Lewin, of la Durand and la Prodgers, they said that even Hamilton, if he passed through Nice, would go to Gioia's -- in Paris, certainly they would not receive him.
I made a mistake: I read this evening until past eleven -- that is wrong.
I have reread: "The Duke of Hamilton left Cairo on Monday the 6th of April, going to Alexandria, where he intends to embark on the 8th or 10th for Constantinople. It is not likely that he will take part, as we supposed, in the spring meeting at the Bois de Boulogne. The Duke is accompanied by Lord Mandeville, son of the Duke of Manchester, his brother-in-law. Prince Louis Esterhazy, who was staying at Shepheard's Hotel at the same time as these gentlemen (where is the duchess?) is leaving these days for Vienna, where he will attend the races. It is known that the prince, whom we knew in his day at Baden, has the reputation -- which he justifies, moreover -- of being one of the foremost gentlemen-riders of his age. With Bar-le-Duc, one of the horses from the Duke of Hamilton's stable, he won last year, in steeplechase, several important victories." That's more like it! Now those are races! Baden is a city... no, a paradise! When I think of this Nice, which even at the races has not a single gentleman! Oh Baden, Baden! Beloved Baden, admirable, incomparable, noble, superb -- I adore you as I adore the Duke!
I am so enthused and transported that I could cry out, beside myself, that there is nothing but the Duke of Hamilton and Baden-Baden.
I must speak of it and think of it no more, for I feel the tears rising in my throat; my heart beats and I can barely breathe.
Great God, why do I love him so! I have never spoken to him. When I think of it, I see him; it seems to me I hear him; and then, then I no longer feel my feet touching the earth -- I am no more. There are days when I imagine him speaking German, others French, etc.; today he spoke German, and more than ever -- mi mama il freto non so che cosa sento [Crossed out: only] se non che l'amo -- and more still; it is more than... adoration.
O Hamilton!
-- A Louis XV ball in costume, a minuet.
-- A madness I dare not name...
Young servants dressed as parrots, exactly as long ago at Tcherniakovka. I think -- rather, dressed as various birds.

Notes

In English in the original.
In Italian in the original (with errors in Marie's Italian). Intended meaning: "I don't know what I feel, except that I love him."