Diary of Marie Bashkirtseff
CZENUKFR

Tuesday, 21 October 1873

After lunch1 I have only two hours of piano. I go shooting with Walitsky, Paul, and Trifon. Paul's rifle is very good. We went all around the countryside, for our villa is truly in the country -- with plains, cultivated fields, and even peasants -- without meeting a single piece of game. Walitsky went away; I took the rifle and fired at a poor little bird. Barbarian that I am! But I am becoming a passionate hunter and I reason differently -- that is to say, I do not reason at all. I wounded it, but it flew away. Not content with that -- cruel as I am -- I pursued it and knock him down2 with a second shot. I am beginning to handle the rifle with ease. Ah, what a pleasure to shoot!

After lunch je n'ai que deux heures de piano, je vais tirer avec Walitsky, Paul et Trifon. Le fusil de Paul est très bon. Nous avons fait le tour de toute la campagne, car notre villa est bien une campagne avec des plaines, des champs cultivés et même des paysans, sans rencontrer un seul gibier. Walitsky s'en alla, je pris le fusil et je tirais sur un pauvre petit oiseau. Barbare que je suis ! Mais je deviens un chasseur passionné et je raisonne autrement, c'est-à-dire je ne raisonne pas du tout.

I received the jacket from Worth; I do not like it. Fortunately, Maman keeps it for herself or for Dina.

J'ai reçu la jaquette de Worth, elle ne me plaît pas, bien heureusement maman la garde pour elle ou pour Dina.

At last we go out (green dress, good). On the Quai Saint-Jean-Baptiste we see Wittgenstein with his belle-laide. I saw only their backs. The Princess was seized with a frenzy... subhorbitaire [sic], let us suppose.

Nous sortons enfin (robe verte, bien) au quai Saint-Jean-Baptiste nous voyons Wittgenstein avec sa belle-laide. Je vis leur dos seulement.

"Turn, turn -- oh, quickly, quickly!"

— Tournons, tournons, oh ! vite, vite !

We turned, but alas, too late. The two desired ones vanished like a cloud; moreover, we had to take Paul to the lycee. We waited near the house some ten minutes; going and coming also took time. We lost the finest moment of the promenade, and Wittgenstein besides. The Princess is inconsolable; I am vexed. I should like to see them -- they are the only ones at present who offer any interest, he especially. She is an old puppy3; one can apply that Russian proverb: A little dog will always remain a puppy. One must truly be accustomed to her; otherwise I do not understand this Wittgenstein. When we are with Bete we laugh the whole time; often she begins to say something and stops, saying:

Nous avons tourné mais hélas trop tard. Les deux *désirés* s'évanouirent comme un nuage, de plus il fallait mener Paul au lycée. Nous l'avons attendu près de la maison une dizaine de minutes, aller et venir a aussi pris du temps. Nous perdîmes le plus beau moment de la promenade et Wittgenstein en plus. La princesse en est inconsolable, j'en suis fâchée, je voudrais les voir, ce sont les seuls pour le moment qui offrent quelque intérêt, lui surtout.

"Ah, how tiresome that she is not married! One cannot say everything."

— Ah ! que c'est ennuyeux qu'elle n'est pas mariée ! on ne peut pas tout dire.

But sometimes a word, a syllable escapes her, and I understand -- without wanting to. We go to the London House and suddenly in walk the Duc d'Audiffret and Prince Saetone. They pass to the other side. The Princess wants to see even those. And on the pretext of a sandwich, having finished our chocolate, we go. But alas for her -- we do not find them! Everything eludes us today.

Mais quelquefois un mot, une syllabe lui échappent et je comprends, sans vouloir. Nous allons au London House et tout à coup entrent le duc d'Audiffret et le prince Saëtone. Ils passent de l'autre côté. La princesse veut voir même ceux-là. Et sous prétexte de sandwich nous allons ayant fini le chocolat. Mais hélas pour elle nous ne les trouvons pas ! Tout nous fuit aujourd'hui.

We go home, and on the way we chatter about Wittgenstein, whom she wants to foist upon me. She is mad, this Bete!

Nous rentrons, et en route nous bavardons de Wittgenstein qu'elle veut m'imposer. Elle est folle cette Bête !

I was singing the legend from Faust:

Je chantais la légende de Faust:

"There was once a king who, faithful to the tomb..."

— Il y eut un jour un roi qui jusqu'à la tombe fidèle...

"But there is no one who is faithful to the tomb," interrupted Bete.

— Mais il n'y a personne qui soit fidèle jusqu'à la tombe, interrompit Bête.

"Yes there is -- Wittgenstein is faithful."

— Si, Wittgenstein est fidèle.

"But he is faithful from habit. I assure you, if they wanted to marry him off like Hamilton, for the family, they could very easily, and she would fly to the devil and be so thoroughly shattered that nothing would remain but slime."

— Mais il est fidèle par habitude, je vous assure que si l'on voulait le marier *comme* Hamilton pour la famille, on pourrait très facilement, et elle s'envolerait au diable et se briserait si bien qu'il n'en resterait que de la glaire.

"But it will happen soon; everyone is in the process of..."

Mais ça arrivera bientôt, tout le monde est en train de...

"It is the breaking out4, Princess, the breaking out4!" "Well, my husband was the first to break out5, the first." And we both burst out laughing.

C'est le breaking out, princesse, le breaking out ! Alors mon mari le premier broke out, le premier. Et toutes deux nous éclatons de rire.

Bete wonders how Maman can live without love6. In truth it is astonishing! I could not!

Bête s'étonne comment maman peut vivre sans *love.* En vérité c'est étonnant ! Je ne pourrais pas moi !

We are already dining, and we receive a scolding7 from Maman for having eaten before dinner. I no longer know how, but Neptune is angry and the waves of our charming family life are churning. Paul is scolded by Maman; Papa prevents Maman -- he meddles where he has no business, and by this destroys Paul's respect for Maman. Paul goes off grumbling like a servant; entering his room, he slams the door. Maman runs after him; Papa rushes after Maman, shouting, without knowing why. I go into the corridor to beg Papa not to hinder the administration and to let Maman do as she wishes. For it is a crime -- even if only through stupidity and lack of tact -- to raise children against their parents. I meet him and say under my breath:

On dîne déjà et nous recevons un scolding de maman pour avoir mangé avant dîner.

Notes

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